WANTED: Previously Married and Attractive Males

By

WANTED: Previously Married and Attractive Males
Divorced men may seem attractive, but how do you secure a marriage when it's the second time around?

When you hear the word 'Puma', you may think of an athletic shoe or a cougar’s little sister. But in the U.K., however, it is taking on a new meaning. A 'Puma' is a previously married and attractive man that women who want to get married seek to find. These women are choosing experience over youth, and they believe that divorced men make better husbands. In the U.K., where the initial survey was done, they found more than half a million women would rather date a mature man than someone younger than them. The women were particularly interested when the guy was divorced, citing reasons that men who were once married are more sensitive, understanding and know the “rules“ of marriage more than their never married counterparts.

The marital research in the U.S. does not support the U.K.’s puma-thinking philosophy. Marital research in the U.S. gives second marriages a more doomed future than first marriages. Psychology Today stated that 60% of second marriages fail. They fail more quickly than first time marriages. After ten years, 37% of second marriages have dissolved compared to 30% of first marriages.

 

Marital research suggests that couples that wait at least three years after a divorce to begin dating seriously, and perhaps eventually getting re-married, have a better chance of staying together and being content. Below are several suggestions that can help you secure your marriage a second time if re-marriage is in your future:

1. Know and accept responsibility for what happened in your first marriage leading to divorce. People who marry still believing it was their ex’s fault that they divorced are not good spouse material.

2. Have clear rules and boundaries with the ex, and understand your parenting role if there are children. Re-marriages cannot support weight of baggage from your first marriage.

3. Money is the main issue that causes breakup from a second marriage, so make sure your finances are talked about and handled responsibly.

4. People who are in second and third marriages are less likely to be forgiving and believe in the commitment of marriage. Therefore, they walk away sooner. This makes sense if you put yourself in their position. They can no longer honestly say, “Divorce is not an option.” It was an option in the past, and it can be again. If you want total commitment, you have to work harder to protect it than you may have in a first marriage. 

Just as pre-marital counseling helps secure first time marriages, it can also help secure re-marriages. Counseling helps the couple define the areas of struggle and provides healthier options to deal with them. Being divorced one time can happen, but if there is a second or a third time, the problem may not be your ex. Look in the mirror and be honest prior to remarriage. 

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/story/22065930/puma-previously-married-and-a...

For more information or you FREE MONTHLY RELATIONSHIP TIPS: www.maryjorapini.com
Podcasts:
http://ustre.am/PLWS

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

5 ways to Stuff Your Turkey with Gratitude

By

  Many of us grew up sharing Thanksgiving with family around the dining room table. Our parents or grandparents usually hosted the meal, and we ate with family and became re-acquainted with family we may not have seen since the Thanksgiving before. Times have changed and family members may have moved due to work obligations, school choices and raising ... Read more

Baby Boomers: Take Your Marriage From Boring To Blissful!

By

Boomers have always been independent and have made their own way. Nowhere is that showing up more than in marital status. Since 1990, the divorce rate has gone down in the United States for everyone but the boomers. Those over 50 years of age have seen divorce rates double, and if you're over fifty, you've probably seen several of your friends split ... Read more

A Soul Mate Isn't A Soul Mate Without These 4 Things

By

Time Magazine recently reported on a concept many of us have, "That good marriages and relationships are based on finding our soul mate or our perfect one." This expectation is shaped by society's focus on physical attraction and messages from our friends, family and our favorite television shows, none of which are actually true as far as having a ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular