Underneath your clothes; that’s my territory

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Underneath your clothes; that’s my territory
The wedding vows are the sacred part of the marriage. Frame them and make those your prayer.

 
You're a song
Written by the hands of god
Don't get me wrong ‘cause
This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them
Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
- Shakira
June is the month to marry. My calendar is full with a wedding every weekend. When we marry we say for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health until death do us part. We are beautiful, she in her wedding gown, and he in his tux. There is nothing the new couple cannot face and there is no stopping them. As witnesses we clap, greet the new Mr. and Mrs., celebrate and go home. We remark about the wedding day, look at the photos, share the memories, but the couple lives the vow. They fight, have kids, argue, love, break up, sleep on the couch, and get back together. Many times we forget what we said, promised, or felt that day we married. Forgetting these aspects of the vow in the middle of an argument, or when you feel your partner is being unfair or cruel, is normal. But after the resolution of the argument you must go back, and remember, remind yourself about that day, that vow and that promise you made. Being married is submitting to someone or giving in on what you want, and working toward what is best for the marriage.
We don’t like to submit and submitting has a bad name, especially for women. The bible and most religious books tell us to submit to God and we don’t really like doing that either. In fact, we rarely submit to God until we need him real badly. Submitting to God looks something like this, “If you do this for me God, I promise I will lead my life in the direction you want forever.” Most of us have done this, and most of us will continue to do this, however when we marry we take a vow of submission to each other (guys, you take it too). It may seem easy, but we like our own way, we think we are right, and they are wrong, or we just think we know what is best for the marriage. None of those excuses work well, because the only way to weave together your life successfully with another is to submit your needs for the needs of the marriage.
Making love is a submission of two people. It isn’t the porn on the computer, it isn’t “Desperate Housewives,” and it isn’t the perfect body you see in the magazine. It is two people loving and wanting to please one another. It is beautiful, sacred, and it works to keep a marriage strong and happy better than any drug, therapy, or device you can purchase. The problem is many women see it as something men want and will use them for, and men see it as something women use as a weapon. When this happens it isn’t sacred anymore, nor is it beautiful. This attitude becomes a marriage killer, and it leads to resentment, hostility and cheating.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

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Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
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