Most likely what is going on with this couple is something much deeper than jealousy, but if you find yourself identifying with the wife in this story there are things you can do to help curb your jealous outbreaks. Below are a few suggestions:
1. Look in the mirror and talk to your image. Ask yourself why you feel jealous? Unfortunately, when we feel jealous it usually is about devaluing ourselves. Try to identify what you don’t like about you and write it down. Evaluate this list. Is there anything on the list you can change? If you don’t like your hair color or your yellow teeth, these are things you can change.
2. Identify the “old tapes” in your head. For example, you may have grown up with a parent who told you that you were the smart one and your brother or sister was the “looker.” If you are still replaying that tape in your head, what purpose is it serving? If there are no other tapes, other than those making you feel bad about yourself, throw them away.
3. Talk to your partner and explain why you are so sensitive around certain people. Ask them to stay by your side if you are having one of these “sensitive times.” If it isn’t all of the time and happens only at certain parties, your partner will most likely try to work with you. If your partner seems totally insensitive to your requests then there may be a good reason you are feeling insecure and jealous of their attention.
4. The best way to curb jealousy is to remember all of your blessings and focus on them when you feel a wave of jealousy washing over you. It is difficult to be insecure or worried about losing someone we love when we are aware of all we have.
Jealousy or feeling insecure is part of being human. Being able to talk about it and admit it makes others open up to us more and feel less threatened around us. If you live in the mindset of jealousy you become bitter and caustic. No one wants to be around that, including your partner. Talking about your insecurities with your partner is all part of the beautiful dance of intimacy. Don’t wait for a party to act out what you failed to communicate. –Mary Jo Rapini
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