Putting the TIME back into Quality Time

By

Putting the TIME back into Quality Time
Telling yourself that you get the kids twice a week with the divorce? Think that's enough? It's not!

My generation came up with a term to assuage the guilt of breaking up a family. We divorced our partners and then told our children we would be spending quality time with them. We did this for the right reason, seeing their big tears in their eyes as we left. We told ourselves many things, but we forgot to tell ourselves the truth. Kids see quality time as a time to get something or to be with the parent who doesn’t live with them anymore. If you don’t believe me, ask any child. I did just that, I asked ten of them under the age of 7 years what quality time meant. Below are their answers:


• It means I get to go shopping with daddy and he buys me a new toy.
• It is when I get to go on a date with mommy.
• It’s when daddy takes me and his girlfriend out.
• It’s when daddy picks me up, and takes me to MiMi’s house for the weekend so I don’t drive him crazy.
• It’s when I get to have pizza and watch TV any time I want.
• It means I don’t have to clean my room.
• It’s when mommy buys me a new movie.
• I don’t know what it is, but I think it means I get stuff.
• I think it makes daddy feel better because the judge told them to do this.
• I think it is special time.


I was raised in a large family and was number six of nine children. I don’t remember quality time, but do remember good and bad times. My parents were always around. We had work time, play time, prayer time, dinner time, breakfast time, lunch time, chore time, homework time, and bed time, but no quality time. We didn’t need it. The quality was in the stability. I watched my parents work together, pray together, eat together, argue together and love one another and us together. The greatest gift in my life was the lack of quality time my parents gave me. We were given a birthday gift, Christmas gift, and Easter basket, but we were never given stuff because my parents were feeling guilty about not spending enough time with us.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

A Soul Mate Isn't A Soul Mate Without These 4 Attributes

By

Time Magazine recently reported on a concept many of us have, "That good marriages and relationships are based on finding our soul mate or our perfect one." This expectation is shaped by society's focus on physical attraction and messages from our friends, family and our favorite television shows, none of which are actually true as far as having a ... Read more

6 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Hot When You Have Little Kids

By

Today's young families have pressures that families of long ago may not have had. Parents both work with the pressure of taking kids to school, lack of sleep, alternating who takes off sick time when their child gets sick and trying to excel in their own careers. Stress over time begins deteriorating marriage happiness, which is a leading cause of divorce ... Read more

Sleeping In The Nude: Does What You Wear To Bed Affect Intimacy?

By

A recent survey published by Cotton USA reveals that 57 percent of married couples who sleep nude report being happy with their partner. Roughly half of all couples do sleep nude and approximately half of those are over the age of 55. Is it the nudity itself helping couples feel happier with their partner or is the nudity symbolic for something deeper that ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular