If we are going to build healthier families, we must begin with building healthier marriages. If we are going to build healthier marriages, we must build healthier communication. If we are going to build healthier communication among married couples, we must be able to talk about our sexual feelings with our spouses. If you are going to talk about your feelings toward sex, you have to become aware of your sexual/sensual self as a person. Below are a few suggestions to help you get started.
1. The brain is the largest sex organ. You have to start here to feel good about sex. If you are angry or anxious about a partner, you have to deal with the brain first. Anger that is held in does not create good sex nor does it help you feel sexy.
2. Your attitude. Embrace yourself—you don’t need to be a perfect size. If you have curves and hips, embrace them. This is one of the most beautiful aspects of women. Most of us have flaws, cellulite, acne, wrinkles. These “flaws” will not distract from a beautiful smile or a warm embrace. Take a lesson from your man. Men are much better at embracing and not seeing their flaws than women are.
3. Fantasize. The more you think about sex, the more you will want it, so be sure to take time to think about it. Read romance novels, listen to music, and watch movies. I caution couples not to share their fantasies unless they involve one another.
4. Get to know your body. Touch yourself so you know the sensitive areas of your body. Where does it make you feel good to touch? This knowledge is very important and helpful to the person loving you. Your partner cannot read your mind so let them know what feels good.
5. Foreplay. The name tells you what it is for. Healthy marriage foreplay starts first thing in the morning and lasts all day. Make sure you stay connected during the day with a quick call or text. Sexual intercourse is only one small part of sex. There are so many ways to be intimate in your marriage, why get hung up on only one?
Note to remember: Women have less stress when they are emotionally connected. Guys have decreased stress when they are physically connected. (Guys, talking and listening to your lady decreases her stress. Sex happens when women are NOT stressed).
It would be short sighted for couples to get married and talk about “till death do us part” if they didn’t consider what they were going to do to keep their sex life interesting. Yet, that is what happens to most couples who wed. Couples talk about their new place settings, TVs, and bedrooms sets, but are naïve about the issues that will have a huge impact on their ability to keep their marriage healthy. Married sex has the capacity to be the best sex, but only if the couple values its importance. In the end, it’s not the lifestyle of marriage that causes the snore factor. It’s the couple who sets it and snores. –Mary Jo Rapini
Special note: Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sex whether it is hot or not, is the opinion of the couple. Many couples have sex once a month in the same position and love it! Others feel unloved if it isn’t every day. It’s not a problem, unless one of the partner’s is complaining. You don’t need to swing from a chandelier to be happy. Mjo
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