5 Ways To Keep The Sparks Flying In Your Marriage

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5 Ways To Keep The Sparks Flying In Your Marriage
How do couples keep that fire lit for years of a healthy marriage? Sex/Intimacy therapist's 5 ways.

I am working toward a national TV show that teaches people what healthy marriages look like. My goal is to teach or have the show mentor how to build a strong marriage, the sorts of issues that arise and the healthiest way to resolve conflicts. Current television programs as well as magazine articles, movies and music don’t represent marriage very well. The area they do the worst job covering is married sex. In many ways, even though most of the single people I know want to get married, the marriage rate has gone down (especially among the uneducated). Couples who believed that cohabitating would keep their sex hot have been disillusioned and disappointed when they found that what keeps sex hot is the security and commitment to one another. Moving in together without a commitment to one another may have made the sex better at first, but once the couple began leaning more on one another and having expectations of one another, the sex dwindled just as it does in a marriage that isn’t working.
No matter how perfect you are for one another or how great your marriage is, you will get bored with one another from time to time. It is fascinating to talk with a couple that has been married for twenty years and try to imagine what they still see in each other. How can anything be novel or exciting, and how do they beat the boredom? What you must remember is, no one is the same person each day, each month or each year. A healthy marriage helps each person grow and evolve. I think it’s fair to say that the healthier the marriage the more you can embrace and expect each person to grow and change. The way they communicate their love changes too. My husband says things and touches me now in a way that is much deeper than when we first married. When we call each other from another city, our way of communicating is different than it was when we first married. I get him, and he gets me. Couples who have been happily married for a long time understand the concept of feeling “freer” with marriage than they were being single. A healthy marriage supports both people’s ability to become the people they want to become.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

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Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
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