Married to a Man Who Thinks He Has Erectile Dysfunction

By

Married to a Man Who Thinks He Has Erectile Dysfunction
Masking an inability to achieve an erection by taking a medication is unwise and dangerous.

I work as an intimacy and relationship counselor with urologists and internists, who often see patients due to erectile dysfunction. Frequently, I see couples who worry about erectile dysfunction when the changes they are experiencing are completely normal. Aging, stress, and intimacy conflicts can all hinder achieving an erection. Erectile drugs, such as Viagra and Cialis, have made it easy to achieve an erection; however, medications may mask a problem that shouldn’t be ignored.
Many people medicate a symptom, such as an inability to achieve an erection, before understanding the underlying problem. Medical illnesses, such as diabetes, vascular disease, or urological and neurological conditions, can also cause erectile dysfunction. Heavy smokers and drinkers may suffer extensive damage to the small blood vessels, which include those in the penis. For many men, erectile dysfunction includes a combination of physical and psychological factors. If you address your diabetes, but don’t get help with the resentment you feel toward your partner, the penis is not going to perform to your satisfaction no matter what medication you use.  Men are dating later in life and, with dating, there is pressure on performance. Sometimes it is easy to become panicked or anxious when the penis doesn’t perform up to par. Below are common worries that men have, that may be signs of aging, anxiety, stress, and intimacy conflict rather than actual erectile dysfunction.
1. You no longer get an erection just from thinking about sex or seeing your partner in a seductive pose. For men over 40, this is quite common from time to time.
2. You need direct stimulation to get erect.
3. It takes longer for you to achieve an erection (this may be more pleasing to your partner).
4. Your erection is not as hard as it was when you were a teen or in your early twenties.
5. You need more recovery time after ejaculation (this changes with each passing year), and after ejaculation your erection subsides much quicker than it did when you were younger.
The partner plays a large role for the man who worries about erectile dysfunction. Reminding him that you love him and still enjoy intimacy together helps reassure him that he is still your lover and able to please you. Complaining that “all he thinks about is sex” is not only thoughtless, but sends him the direct message that he is being silly or superficial to be so concerned about his ability to feel like a man. If your man struggles with erectile dysfunction, these three tips may help improve the situation and reassure him of your love and desire for him:
1. Encourage him to make an appointment with an urologist and offer to go with him. Sometimes men want to do this on their own and, as their partner, you should honor that.
2. Make sure you save time each day to talk with him, and begin talking about exploring new options. The fact that most couples only know how to have sex one or two ways puts more pressure on the man. If he knows there are many ways to please you and if you remain open to new ideas, it will help both of you and your relationship.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

Taking your marriage from boring to blissful; in the second half

By

  Boomers have always been independent and have made their own way.  Nowhere is that showing up more than in marital status. Since 1990, the divorce rate has gone down in the United States for everyone but the boomers. Those over 50 years of age have seen divorce rates double, and if you’re over fifty, you probably have seen several of your ... Read more

A Soul Mate Isn't A Soul Mate Without These 4 Things

By

Time Magazine recently reported on a concept many of us have, "That good marriages and relationships are based on finding our soul mate or our perfect one." This expectation is shaped by society's focus on physical attraction and messages from our friends, family and our favorite television shows, none of which are actually true as far as having a ... Read more

Is Aging Part Of Your Promotion?

By

Does Climbing the Career Ladder Age You? When you look at photos of President Obama before his presidency and currently, there is no doubt he has aged. In fact, the historical evidence of what being the President of the United States does to speed up the aging process can be seen throughout the ages. From President Lincoln to George Bush, the aging evidence ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular