Do you find yourself excited to text or chat with your facebook friend? Fantasizing about them? HELP
No matter how much you love your spouse there will be times in your marriage where you deal with marital problems. Are there things you can do to prevent or divert these times? Absolutely! Dr. Dave Carder (a marriage therapist) contends that one of the leading causes of spouses straying is due to infatuation. Infatuation is a sudden, unreasonable emotional attraction to someone or something else. It is more powerful than it is given credit, especially if it occurs at a time of marital strife.
It's okay to befriend people. But if you are around people with the same passions, interests, and concerns (work is a prime example) it can be dangerous—especially if you are in a rut in your own marriage or relationship. Strong boundaries are necessary in all of married life. When you consider the easy access to facebook, myspace, chatting online, or texting, boundaries become the cement that holds everything together.
How do you know if you are getting too close to someone online, at work, or on the baseball team you just joined? The following questions may be worth your while to ask yourself today before you go further.
Questions that can predict a broken boundary
1. You fantasize about marriage with this "friend".
2. This "friend" shares their troubled relationships with you.
3. You actually think of topics to share with this "friend" instead of your spouse.
4. You bring this "friend" treats or gifts.
5. You guard your emails, texts and other communication from your spouse regarding this "friend".
6. Your eyes light up when you see this "friend" and they don't sparkle like that for your spouse.
7. You begin to accuse your spouse of jealousy when your "friend" is brought up.
8. When you talk to your "friend" you have a body reaction, (chills, knees become week, etc...)
9. You have sexual conversations with your "friend".
10. You travel with your "friend" for work, eat with your "friend" for work, and stay in the same hotel with your "friend" for work. This may be called "Corporate Dating".
The hallmark of all of these may be you begin to lie to your spouse about the time you spend chatting with your phone over texts, face book, or emails. If you are lying, that means you are afraid of being caught. Why would you be afraid of being caught if you did not believe you were doing something less than honest? Think about it and get out of this "friendship" while you still can. –Mary Jo Rapini
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