I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even
marry you because I loved you. I married you because you
gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect
people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that
protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that
My oldest daughter is a Biology High School teacher. I knew she was a budding scientist at the age of two. She could pick up an ant and clearly identify its anatomy long before she would sit on a potty. She has a knack for explaining complicated material in a very simple, understandable manner. Last night we went out for dinner and engaged in a huge discussion about marriage. My daughter believes part of the reason so many marriages fail is because they aren’t biologically based (she bases many of her debates from a biological point of view). Men are wired to look for variety to spread their genetics, and women look for stable, secure men who will father and raise their young. As I listened to her, I became more convinced that this is why we should choose marriage deliberately. It’s a challenge, and the only way to prepare and grow with a challenge is to make sure you are “trained” before taking on the challenge.
I work with many professionals, and it is surprising to me how many of these people have miserable relationships. They try to marry and live with their partner in a logical manner. Many times, they don’t give the marriage as much attention as it warrants, and they are confused when their spouse becomes unhappy. No degree can prepare you for the amount or manner in which you need to communicate with your partner. A Ph.D in science isn’t going to help you work through the next argument with your spouse if you have let distance grow in your marriage. If your fiancé helped you pay for graduate school and upon completing graduate school you are going to tie the knot, you would be wise to invest in pre-marital counseling first. You may have been a great couple while you were distracted with studying, but do you have the skills to continue coming home and communicating with this person every night? You may be crazy in love with your partner, but what if your partner’s career has them traveling abroad? Have you talked about the issue of intimacy? Do you have a plan in place if you begin to feel distance within the relationship? Can you talk about your sex life?