Are you in love with your best friend? Feel like you need to tell them? Prepare yourself first.
All of us have had that one special person we fantasized about and thought would be a perfect spouse. This person is usually a good friend, and as the friendship begins to grow we also become extremely attracted to them physically and emotionally. It isn’t long before we desire them day and night, and will put ourselves out there to “help” them in any way we can. If they call us, it makes our day! If they don’t, we feel alone and neglected. We finally get the courage to tell them how we feel, and we know the minute we say it, we shouldn’t have. They don’t feel the same, and many times you have to look away from their face so it doesn’t hurt. They begin to say, “I don’t feel the same way.” Or they may say, “I love you, but not that way.” It hurts. We are devastated, and we don’t know what to do. We usually say, “I know, I just wanted you to know how I felt.”
It’s such a rite of passage that when one of our friends goes through it, we may be flippant and say, “Yeah, I know, you’ll get over it.” At the time, it doesn’t feel like you will get over it. It feels like you may have lost your very best friend and the only person you will ever love. Many love stories feature the person that never did get over it, and grew old waiting as their “friend” married someone else.
If you recently found out that your best friend likes you as a friend only and is not attracted to you sexually, there are things you can do right away that will promote the healing process.
1. To begin to get your head right you need to understand your friend cannot control how they feel. When you are attracted to someone it is “chemistry,” and many other illogical things. If they were honest enough to tell you the truth, that was a true test of the friendship.
2. Don’t try to rebel by making your friend jealous. They are your friend for other reasons. They will begin feeling bad about being honest, and this will make them a superficial friend, not the friend you had.
3. Write down what you love about your friend. These are characteristics you are looking for. Most people aren’t able to identify what they want in another person and that makes it difficult to find. You already know, which should make the search easier.
4. Ask your friend for insights into why they love you for a friend. Listing these positive qualities will help build your confidence.
5. Begin taking better care of yourself. When you have a broken heart, many times you let other things go. Exercising and eating healthy are going to make you feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin.
6. Tell your friend you may need some time away to get your thoughts right and feel better. They will understand, and probably feel honored even more to have you as a friend.
7. Many times when we care about someone, we give ourselves away too easily. Make boundaries for yourself. The next time your friend needs you, make sure you are available if you are, but begin advocating for your own time. Don’t renege on a date with someone new to hear your best friend’s latest sob story.
8. Being honest and transparent with your feelings is something we all aspire to. It puts you in a category of people who can trust and be trusted.
9. Don’t generalize rejection from one person to all people among that gender. So many people do this, and it is a bit repulsive.
10. Stay aware throughout your life. There is a very good chance you will thank God that your best friend did not desire you. Life has a way of teaching us these really tough lessons.
Getting rejected is never easy, but everyone is rejected at some point in their life by someone they love. It is that rejection that shows us what we want. It is that rejection that shows us what we did wrong. It is that rejection that ends up showing us our new love. –Mary Jo Rapini
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