Here are four red flags to pay attention to:
1. Stay away from anyone who makes you feel guilty for things in the past. The past is over, and you did not have the insight you have today. If a partner insists on continually bringing up the past to shame you, they are a hurt person and they are hurting you.
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2. Hurt people hurt others by gossiping, criticizing, and judging others. When you notice this behavior confronting it may help, but most likely they will validate what they are saying by elevating themselves and putting another down. When that other is you it is easy to believe maybe you did something wrong, unfair, or selfish. Most likely it is not you; the hurt person is trying to hurt you to justify their own pain.
3. Hurt people have been hurt in the past. This causes them to dwell on old thoughts, hurtful words, and behaviors. They project those hurtful memories on to you, especially when they are stressed (if you have been hurt you live in a stressful state most of the time).
4. Hurt people have difficulty seeing beauty. They live in the dark on many levels. If you talk to them about the beauty surrounding them they will usually tell you why it isn’t beautiful. They are a downer to be around. They also may make you begin to feel heavier, and darker. Soon you may wonder why you are no longer happy or lighthearted. They may come around then and tell you what a bummer you are too be with. They may even tell you that you are the reason they feel so depressed or hopeless. When you hear this, it is time to get out.
Most likely we all have the opportunity to attract a “hurt” person once or twice in our lives. It happens when we are down, didn’t get the job we wanted, broke up with someone we loved, or our children left to go to school and we are alone. It isn’t true we attract what we need. More likely we attract what we are giving out. If you are feeling down, vulnerable, and sad don’t date. Better to wait until you are feeling at your best if you want to attract someone who is at their best.
–Mary Jo Rapini
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