2. Understand that although you may be able to have a sexual/physical relationship with your ex, your ex may not be able to handle a sexual relationship without trying to work on repairing the relationship. Be very clear up front with your expectations. If your intentions are to meet for sex without any other emotional obligations, make sure this is communicated to your ex.
3. If there are children involved don’t spend the night with your ex in your home. This is confusing for children. Divorce and separations are very painful and children hold a fantasy of having their mom and dad work things out. If you are on again and off again it causes anxiety and depression in children and most adults.
4. Wear protection. An ex is an ex because someone acted out in the relationship. No matter what your ex tells you, wear protection. There is no way of telling how many STDs happen with ex with benefits behavior, and how many pregnancies happen during this time.
5. No matter what you say verbally, sex with an ex is expressing to your ex that you are willing to settle for the way they treated you in the past as long as you can have sex with them. Make sure this is what you want to communicate to your ex. Most of the time when a relationship ends it means it was broken. Settling for the brokenness will deteriorate your self esteem and any respect you have for yourself.
Before you rationalize that it’s just sex, be sure you understand clearly what your motives are as well as your ex’s. There is a consequence with every behavior, and in this case the consequences are not worth the time invested emotionally or physically. The loneliest feeling you will ever have is waking up to realize it was just sex.
–Mary Jo Rapini
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