I help many divorced clients who are planning on reentering the dating scene after years of marriage. It's tough out there and somewhat scary. If you've been married for a long while, the dating scene may overwhelm or frighten you. /node/135259 How do you know that you're ready to enter the dating scene again? Ask yourself if you feel that you need a partner or if you would like to enjoy and share another's company. If you still feel that you need someone to complete you or your life, you aren't ready. This feeling of need will lead to a poor choice of a partner. This feeling of need is usually a signal that it's too soon for you to date again. The loneliness and constant re-playing the tape of your partner's betrayal may trap you into feeling alone and undesirable. Medicating with a new person is a temporary pain patch. Often, those temporary patches are temporary for a very good reason. Sacrificing your own physical and emotional health to get a "fix" of feeling desired again is never a good idea. /node/112766 When you're ready and enough time has passed since the divorce or breakup, it is wise to tell everyone you respect that you're actively looking or open to meeting new people. People you respect have respectful friends. Therefore, they are usually your best option for securing a date with someone you will like. If you don't have many friends, it may be helpful to begin searching for different groups you could join to meet other singles. Cooking classes or groups, poetry readings, yoga, church groups, plays and sporting events all provide opportunities to connect with others who appreciate the same things you do. Being with other singles will help build your confidence as well as provide feedback about how you present and appeal to others. /node/135808 Being married may have enabled you to not focus on your looks, your mannerisms, and your lifestyle. Dating forces you to evaluate all of those qualities that may have been taken for granted or not explored. One of the most popular options for singles is online dating . It's a wonderful option in its ability to date on your own time, ask a lot of questions and get to know someone in the comfort of your own home. Online dating is alarming in its ability to provide a "cover" for someone to lie, take advantage of someone by saying what they want to hear and to basically be serial dating without the other person knowing. Therefore, caution and intelligence is required if you're going to online date. Keep Reading... More Juicy YourTango Content: /node/145737 /node/151737 The Best Dating Advice On YourTango Remember from the beginning that dating online is going to afford you the dating experience before you take a risk with actually getting dressed up and meeting them. Therefore, focus on the experience rather than any set expectation. Here are eight online dating tips for divorced singles who are ready to reenter the dating scene: 1. Stay anonymous with your user name, personal information and phone number . You and only you should decide when you're comfortable giving this information out. Remember, once this information is out there, the other person can harass you or pressure you until you get together with them. If you don't know this person enough to trust them, don't . /node/145599 2. Be cautious in making decisions. The same behaviors that work well for physical dating are valuable with online dating. Don't move too fast. One conversation is not enough to meet someone in person. 3. Look at several different photos of the person . Who are they with? Is anyone cut out of the photo? Has it been photoshopped? Why? Ask questions. I would like to say it doesn't matter what you look like but that would be a lie. Most people cannot trust someone until they see their photo. /node/150050 4. Talk to the person on the phone at least once before you meet them. A voice tells you a lot more about the person. Online dating is a little bit like putting a puzzle together. The pieces of a person's life should make sense when you see them together. 5. Be careful when finally meeting the person . Make sure that when you finally decide to meet, you are at a public place. Tell your best friend or several people the person's name, phone number and where you're going. Trust your gut when you see the person. You can always back out at the last minute. If the person tries to pressure you or argue with you in any way about meeting, that is a red flag. Do yourself a favor and don't go. /node/150290 6. Always take yourself to the meeting place. Never let them pick you up. Don't have someone drop you off unless they can come at any time to pick you up. This is setting you up to be vulnerable and this is not the time to be vulnerable. If you are meeting someone from another city, state or country, make your own travel plans. Do not tell the person where you are staying or any of your travel details. Have a set meeting place in mind and meet them there at a set time. 7 . If you feel unsafe with this person, call the police. The police will give you counsel in regards to what you should do. A patient of mine decided to meet someone they met online in Colorado. She became frightened after dinner because she went to his place and he wanted to have sex. The man was also into asphyxiation and almost killed her. She told me that she had a bad feeling in her gut when she met him but failed to honor it. /node/100080 Keep Reading... 8. Find the right dating site for you. In general, the more you spend with a dating website, the more mature, responsible partners you are going to encounter. If you sign up with a free huge dating website, you may go on many dates or find the partner of your dreams. The reality is that most likely, you will become a triage center for possible nut cases, total nut cases or creepy nut cases. If you are serious about a relationship, invest in a serious online dating site. Dating after a divorce is all part of the journey you found yourself on after signing the papers. It isn't easy but it's an opportunity to grow and explore. Stay open and allow yourself to experience the experience. /node/127695 Being older with dating has its advantages. You are now wiser and understand the fragility of relationships . You no longer need a person to fulfill you. Instead, you are looking for someone to share your life with. Take your time and enjoy the experience. For more information and to sign up for a free monthly relationship tip, click here . Like my Facebook fan page here . Follow me on Twitter @MaryJoRapini . Get your "Mojo Moment" every day on Fox 26 at 9 am, CST. Join me every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday morning for Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo on Fox 26 Houston at 9 am, CST.
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