1. Begin with a visit to an Urologist who specializes in sexual issues. Both partners should go, as many times the worst thing about going to the doctor to talk about your sex life is the embarrassment. If you have your partner with you, it will help cut through the denial or things you feel too awkward to say aloud (a complete history is an important part of getting to the bottom of the real issue, if you cannot say the history, write it down, and hand it to your care taker).
2. Guys, remember that women have to escape to feel sexy. Women are not socialized to be outwardly sexy (although the times are a changing) and they get too involved with our domestic duties to consider their own sexual desires and needs. You don’t have to change cities, but you do need to create a new environment. This can be done without spending money if you help her escape by changing rooms, duties, lighting, your clothes (keep them on from the waist on until she wants you), music, your scent, and your words.
3. Ladies, your man needs you to initiate once in awhile. Guys need to be wanted and they need to know they please you. If you don’t know what pleases you, quit being passive and find out. It is only half of his fault if he cannot please you; the other half belongs to you. Just as he can create a new environment to help you escape, you can motivate him (with your actions and words) to help him understand how important this is.
4. Compromise, sexual intercourse is only part of intimacy and sex. There are so many other things you can do. If she wants sex every night, and he is too tired, a massage or a bath together with bubbles and soft music and lighting before bed can be just as erotic and achieve that feeling of connection. I have a list of ideas on my website of things you can do to make you feel connected besides having intercourse.
Approximately one quarter of all men, and one in eight women report some form of sexual dysfunction in their lives. In dual income couples, the largest problem is finding the time, and therefore this statistic will most likely increase. If you don’t make time for sex and intimacy, or if you don’t prioritize your sex life, it will be replaced by other things that need to be done. Those other things may be important, but the intimacy and sexual connection within a relationship is the number two reason for marital discord. Number one is communication. Usually in a failing relationship the communication becomes talk about why we aren’t having sex. –Mary Jo Rapini
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Tags: Communication, Intimacy, Marriage, Sex, Relationships, Two Income Couples