Kinsey Institute last reported that 13% of married couples reported having sex a few times a year. 45% reported having sex a few times per month, 34%reported sex 2-3 times per week, and 7% reported having sex 4 or more times per week. These numbers are being more and more affected by the dual income, no sex population, which continues to grow. The majority of the couples I see come in with sexual/intimacy issues and they should, that’s the kind of therapy I specialize in. However, the problems they are concerned about are no longer the ones involving the mechanics of sex; the problems are due to the timing of sex. Couples are frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, and although sex is a great cure for coping with stress, it only works if both partners have the energy to engage in sex. For many couples, this leaves one or both partners avoiding sex, because they are too tired or disengaged with their partner.
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The majority of couples I work with have a scenario where the man is frustrated because he wants sex so he can feel intimate with his partner. His partner wants to feel intimate so she can desire sex. This scenario is played out with anger, resentment, and stress, and often times the couple growing so distant that the only way they can enjoy sex is to leave on a vacation. This in itself may not be a bad choice if you can get away frequently. However, for most of us who get a vacation once a year, and then take the kids with us, that is not enough sex to keep our relationship, our minds, or bodies healthy.
With couple’s sex, there really is no normal number of times to have sex. The important objective is both partners should be satisfied with the number of times they engage in sex within their relationship. Partners who don’t have enough focus on it, and it can become the elephant in the room that both partners feel, but neither knows how to talk about it without irritating the other partner. The majority of the time, the more sex you have in your marriage, the happier the couple reports being. Also, having an active sex life is healthier for your body and mind, and there is usually a deeper soulful felt connection reported. Understanding this, it is strongly encouraged to prioritize intimacy and sex within your relationship. If it isn’t working for you and your partner these suggestions may help.