Boredom In The Marital Bed


Boredom In The Marital Bed
Are you feeling old and bored with your partner? Boredom doesn't kill a marriage, what you do may.

No matter how hot you are for each other when you get married and no matter how long you are married before it begins, you may have to deal with boring sex at some point. Boring sex happens in many marriages as a fleeting feeling. In other marriages, boring sex can become the only type of sex. It is easy to understand how this can come about. You share your life, your bed, and your being with another person that you know and love. The most intimate thing a couple shares is their love making. If couples get too busy to communicate and experiment with their expressions of love then sex begins to feel routine and unconnected. Couples experience problems other than boredom because they aren’t communicating how they really feel.

Many things can cause boredom in the bedroom—waning hormones, body image, marital conflict, not knowing one’s body, or having a lover that doesn’t know how to make love. About one third of all the couples I’ve seen as patients have “boredom” as the underlying problem in their marriage. Boredom doesn’t present itself as boredom though. Few couples will come in and say, “we are bored with each other.” It disguises itself in other problems such as, “she doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore,” or, “he/she cheated on me.” Couples rarely sit down and say, “my sex life is boring me, how do you feel?” Since they aren’t comfortable discussing their feelings with their partner, they open themselves to finding another lover or completely withdraw from having sex.

If you are in a boring bedroom, there are things you can do to make it more exciting again. You can become closer to your partner by discussing it and working together to make your sex life breathe again. Trying to fix it by reaching out to another person won’t make your sex life with your husband or wife better. In the long run, you will be dealing with boredom again in a new bed.

1. Talk about the problem. To talk about this problem identify it from both partners perspective.

2. Be gentle. Telling your partner they don’t turn you on usually means you have not been transparent about what does turn you on.

3. Go to a sex store or shop online. Buying powders or lotions are a wonderful way to start. It helps make sex fun, and sex that is fun is not boring.

4. Try different rooms to make love in, and forget the idea that you need to make love in a bed. Women are more sensitive to location changes than men. If your lady tells you she is bored with sex, try changing up where you make love.

5. Visiting an Urologist who specializes in sexuality for both men and women is a wonderful idea. This visit is well worth your money because many times the lack of excitement has a medical reason.

6. Make time for sex in your marriage even if that means talking, touching and lying close to one another. Sex is not intercourse although intercourse is part of sex. Sex is touching, talking, kissing, and creating intimacy with each other’s fantasies. Take your time and schedule it in.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini


For more information go to:
Talk to me on my fan page:
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

6 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Hot When You Have Little Kids


Today's young families have pressures that families of long ago may not have had. Parents both work with the pressure of taking kids to school, lack of sleep, alternating who takes off sick time when their child gets sick and trying to excel in their own careers. Stress over time begins deteriorating marriage happiness, which is a leading cause of divorce ... Read more

Sleeping In The Nude: Does What You Wear To Bed Affect Intimacy?


A recent survey published by Cotton USA reveals that 57 percent of married couples who sleep nude report being happy with their partner. Roughly half of all couples do sleep nude and approximately half of those are over the age of 55. Is it the nudity itself helping couples feel happier with their partner or is the nudity symbolic for something deeper that ... Read more

5 Ways To Survive A Friend Unfriending You


A group of my colleagues and friends were talking about losing good friends. One of my friends' situations was a job promotion and a change of location. Her friend cut her off, didn't want to be her friend anymore, and un-friended her on Facebook, leaving her feeling confused and mistrusting. Had this person been a friend at all? Another friend told ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.