Learning how to become an optimist regarding your intimacy and sex life is not easy, but it is possible. Choosing to see things in a positive light is as easy as choosing to see it negatively, but like the development of any habit you have to practice. Choosing pessimism may be ingrained if you grew up with it in your own family of origin. In this case, what you grew up with has to be re-taped or taped over with positive thinking. Joel Black, Ph.D. has these suggestions for re-taping pessimistic tapes into optimistic sexually healthy tapes.
1. Understand that temporary conditions aren’t permanent or indicative of what is to come. A pessimist says, “I can’t get an erection; I must be impotent,” while an optimist says, “I can’t get an erection because I’m tired and ate and drank too much tonight; I’ll try in the morning.”
2. Be specific. A pessimist may say, “Sam didn’t call after our first date; I’m a loser,” while an optimist says, “Sam may not be interested in a relationship with me, but there are plenty of other men.”
3. Don’t assume everything that happens is because of you. A pessimist says, “Jill didn’t like me,” while an optimist says, “Jill may not be ready for a relationship.”
Couples who have the healthiest relationships are those that embrace each other and what life offers. To think your sex life doesn’t require change and learning to get better with age is shortsighted. Optimists not only have better sex lives, but they are more successful in parenting, business, and being healthier. Anyone can become an optimist at any age or stage in life. If you find yourself looking pessimistically at your partner, “re-taping” some of those messages you are hearing and verbalizing may help to restore your sex life. –Mary Jo Rapini
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Tags: Sex, Sex Liife, Relationships, Marriage, Optimist, Pessimist, Intimacy,