When you watch TV, your favorite show on your iPad or look through a magazine, one thing appears very clear. Others are having great sex. If you are feeling as though yours doesn’t compare, you may begin wondering what is wrong with your sex life. This would be an error in your thinking, because TV sex, magazine sex, and other media forms of sex are rarely true. They are airbrushed and taken in short, carefully scripted clips. There is no passion on the set, and the actors don’t have bad breath, stinky socks, or bad timing. Real life includes all of these scenarios and more, leading to bad sex.
The longer you are married to the same person the more chances you will have to experience bad sex at some time. Whether you drank too much, didn’t brush your teeth, forgot deodorant that evening, or were in too big of a rush, your partner will be your final critic, and most likely they will label the event as “Bad Sex.” We all give bad sex to our partner at some time within our marriage. If our mind is on other things, or we are taking our partner for granted, or we want the stress relief with as little effort as possible, we are the makers of bad sex.
Bad sex isn’t contagious. You cannot catch it from your partner nor can he catch it from you. However, if bad sex continues day after day, week after week, the marriage is sure to become infected. You will know when that has happened because one of the partners is totally turned off and no longer wants sex with their partner. They may continue to read romance novels, playboy or playgirl magazines, but when it comes to having sex with you, they seem to be continuously busy. If you don’t intervene as soon as you begin being aware of this, your marriage may not survive.
Talking about sex isn’t easy, and it is never wise to talk about sex when you are angry for not getting any sex. Talking about sex should be done when both people are relaxed and enjoying their time together. Asking your partner why they don’t want sex will make them defensive. However, if you ask them what you can do in order to help them want sex more with you, this may open them up to begin talking. You may find out it isn’t you, but something you are doing or not doing that is shutting them down. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation can also cause couples to turn away from sex. Hormone imbalances may affect the mind as well as the physical body. A trip to see the Urologist, Gynecologist or Primary Physician may be all that’s necessary to minimize a problem a couple has suffered for years. The biggest problem with bad sex is getting over the embarrassment of talking about it with your partner and a health care professional. Below are suggestions of how to begin the intervention of communicating with your partner about bad sex before it infects your marriage.
1. Understanding that a healthy sex life is as much a predictor of your overall health as a healthy heart is the first step. Both women and men must own their sexuality. If you feel that you don’t really care or deserve to have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse, that feeling alone can infect your marriage and ruin your sex life.
For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”
1. The Scent: Vanilla
It's long been believed that vanilla is a natural aphrodisiac: as early as the 1700s, physicians recommended it to male patients to ensure potency. And the guys at AskMen.com say the sweet, welcoming odor has a euphoric effect that sets the sensual mood.
The Perfume: Shalimar By Guerlain
This powdery vanilla scent is sexy and all woman, not candy-sweet. Inspired by the love of an Indian Emperor for his wife (for whom the Taj Mahal was built), this delicious fragrance starts fresh and light, with lemon and bergamot, and reveals itself to be sensual and soft, with base notes of vanilla and incense.