If you are trying to work on your marriage with a bully here are a few suggestions that may make it easier to cope with them. When and if abuse is part of the relationship the best choice is to separate. Keep this separation until your spouse can come to terms with their behavior and accept that they have problems that must be worked out for the marriage to survive. The only person you can change in this relationship is yourself and your reactions to your spouse’s behavior. Being as direct as possible with your bully spouse will help them know how far they can push you. It will begin to make you feel more in control of what your choices are.
- When your bully spouse treats you well, always tell them you appreciate the way they are communicating with you.
- As much as possible, nurture your relationship with continued time alone and communicate with one another about the vision for your marriage.
- Using “I feel” statements helps your spouse not become defensive and also helps you define and claim what you are feeling Be honest with yourself and stop covering for your spouse when they are demonstrating bully behavior.
- Whenever possible let your spouse receive the natural consequences they will from their bully behavior.
- One of the worst things about being married to a bully is they demonstrate and mentor their behavior for their children.
An open, honest relationship where both spouses can discuss the behavior and work toward eliminating it together is the best treatment approach.
–Mary Jo Rapini
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