ProConnect

5 Ways To Keep Married Sex Exciting

By

married sex
Spice up your sex life with these 5 tips!
Married sex can be the best sex, but only if the couple prioritizes it.

If couples talk about this need, they can both do things that will help provide variety and not lead to the potential problems that men's clubs and watching pornography may cause. When a married couple is struggling with their sex life, the biggest obstacle is convincing the couple that they must keep talking about their sex life. One of the assignments I give each of my married couples who are unhappy with their marital sex life is to talk about their sex life for 10 minutes, four days a week.

This proves excruciatingly painful for them, especially the women. Couples can go on date night and talk about their kids all night, but if one of them interjects, "Oh wait, we have to talk about our sex life now," you would most likely hear silence at best, and a groan at worst. Some of women's views about their sexuality are directly related to the way society affords more social accolades for being a good mom than they do for being a wonderful, intimate partner to their husbands (the media also projects husbands as being another child for the wife to look after). 3 Ways To Squeeze In More Sex

More from YourTango: Dating Boundaries For Single Moms

The fact that it is not valued by society contributes to women not valuing intimacy or sex as much as they do their children and their numerous other chores. Women don't use sex as a stress reliever as men do, because it isn't a stress reliever. It becomes a chore when a woman feels as if she has numerous jobs to do, and lists pleasing her husband as another one of those jobs. Many women don't understand the importance of their sexual health and how important sex is to a healthy marriage.

It isn't uncommon for me to counsel a forty year old woman who has been married for years but has never had an orgasm and has no idea how to achieve one. For this woman, sex is a stressor and a chore. It takes understanding on both sides. The wife needs to understand that sex is a stress reliever for her husband, and her husband needs to understand that sex may be an additional stressor to his wife. If a husband can help alleviate some of her other tasks, and she can do little things such as touching and embracing him more, it may help alleviate some of his stress without adding to hers. 5 Ways To Improve Marital Success

Many women will tell me the reason they don't hug or touch their husband more is because their husband's mind goes directly to the goal of having sex, and she feels "too tired to get into all of that." If you are going to build a healthier family, you must begin with building a healthier marriage. If you are going to build a healthier marriage, you must build healthier communication. If you are going to build healthier communication as a married couple, you must be able to talk about your sexual feelings with your spouse. If you are going to talk about your feelings toward sex, you have to become aware of your sexual/sensual self as a person.

Below are a few suggestions to help you get started:

1. The brain is the largest sex organ. You have to start here to feel good about sex. If you are angry or anxious at a partner, you have to deal with the brain first. Anger that is held in does not create good sex or help you to feel sexy.

2. Your attitude. Embrace yourself — you don't need to be a perfect size. If you have curves and hips, embrace them. This is one of the most beautiful aspects of women. Most of us have flaws, cellulite, acne, or wrinkles. These "flaws" will not distract from a beautiful smile or a warm embrace. Take a lesson from your man. Men are much better at embracing their flaws than women are.

3. Fantasize. The more you think about sex, the more you will want it, so be sure to take time to think about it. Read romance novels, listen to music, and watch movies. I caution couples not to share their fantasies unless they involve one another.

4. Get to know your body. Touch yourself so you know the sensitive areas of your body. Where does it make you feel good to touch? This knowledge is very important and helpful to the person loving you. Your partner cannot read your mind, so let them know what feels good.

5. Foreplay. The name tells you what it is for. Healthy marriage foreplay starts first thing in the morning and lasts all day. Make sure you stay connected during the day with a quick call or text. Sexual intercourse is only one small part of sex. There are so many ways to be intimate in your marriage, so why get hung up on only one? Are Lies An Automatic Relationship Killer?

Remember, women have less stress when they are emotionally connected. Guys have decreased stress when they are physically connected. Guys, talking and listening to your lady decreases her stress. Sex happens when women are not stressed. These rules do not apply to dating, but usually someone isn't being authentic.

It would be short sighted for couples to get married and talk about "till death do us part" if they didn't consider what they were going to do to keep their sex life interesting. Yet, that is what happens to most couples who wed. Couples talk about their new place settings, TVs, and bedrooms sets, but are naïve about the issues that will have a huge impact on their ability to keep their marriage healthy. Married sex has the capacity to be the best sex, but only if the couple values its importance. In the end, it's not the lifestyle of marriage that causes the snore factor, it's the couple who sets it and snores. Are You Married To A Flirt?

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sex, whether it is hot or not, is the opinion of the couple. Many couples have sex once a month in the same position and love it! Others feel unloved if it isn't every day. It's not a problem unless one of the partners is complaining. You don't need to swing from a chandelier to be happy.

For more information and monthly free relationship tips go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @ Mary Jo Rapini
Get your "mojo moment" each day on Fox 26 at 9a.m.CST.
Join me every Monday and Thursday Morning for "Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo" on Fox 26 Houston at 9 a.m.

For More Juicy Sex Advice:

More from YourTango: Manage Your Stress To Manage Your Child's

The Best Sex Advice on YourTango

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

3 Ways To Make Divorce Easier On Kids

By

Getting a divorce is traumatic, and nowhere do we see the effects of a divorce more than the children. The family is the life center for children, and when the family is threatened by divorce, the children feel tugged and pulled between mom and dad. Many parents worry about the effects of divorce on their children and this is one reason divorces take years ... Read more

Using Body Language To Avoid Divorce

By

Divorce is complicated, and when you talk to someone going through one you learn that there are many issues that lead to a divorce. One of the simplest, most effective behaviors to cause a divorce is contempt. Couples who don't respect each other have been given a chance to improve with a digital gaming platform called, "Happify," which allows you ... Read more

Dating Boundaries For Single Moms

By

A divorce or end of a relationship leaves both partners feeling conflicted, guilty and upset. Having a new relationship is usually not the first thing most ex’s think about especially when children are involved. Making sure the kids are okay and trying to ease their pain with the changes in the family is a full-time job, and like all changes some days ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Are You Addicted To Comfort?

Don't be afraid to push the envelope—you'll achieve greater happiness.

Woman Weighing Herself

How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

10 Steps to integrating mindful eating- find peace, calmness and sanity around food and in your body

Cuffs

The Ties that Bind

The NEW D/s dynamic and its power to conquer your fears.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS