Have you just began on- line dating? Not sure how honest to be? This article can help.
I have clients who date online. Writing the profile is one of the most difficult parts of online dating. How honest can they be? How honest are the people they are trying to attract? One of my clients is the nicest guy; in fact, his inability to assert and defend himself enables others to take advantage of him. His profile looks something like this: “single, 40ish male seeks 40ish single female.” He goes on to say he likes to bike, ski (both on water and snow) and try new restaurants. He wrote that he was a professional, but not addicted to his work. He also wrote he didn’t mind kids. He ends with saying he wants a friend first and foremost.
I like his profile because it is so honest, but it may lack depth. He is not playing any games and is very modest so he doesn't feel the need to point all of his numerous assets. Yet, women don't respond to his profile, even though he has his photo up and is nice looking. My client says the reason he thinks women don't respond is because he doesn't say exactly what he does. He believes women want to date more than a professional and would prefer to know exactly what he does so they would know how much money he made. Really, has it come to that? Women would only be interested in a nice guy like my client if he made a lot of money? Truth be known, my client is very wealthy. He holds back from revealing that because he fears being used for his money.
A close friend of mine is also dating online. Having a relationship is on her list of the top three things she wants in life. When I read her profile, it does not mention the "R" word at all. When I ask her about this, she responds that if guys see the “R” word, it is a turn off and they won't ask her out. She said being honest with what she wants would scare a potential partner away. I would think just the opposite. I think owning want you want assures the likeliness of it happening.
I like the concept of dating online. I have gone to several weddings where the couple met online, but is it more dishonest than dating in person? Game-playing is part of most dating in the very beginning, but if you begin a relationship with deception, when do you start being more honest? Is it deception if you hold back from revealing something you fear may affect securing a date? Below are a few suggestions that can help you end up with the type of person you are looking for. Many of the conflicts that arise from dating online are conflicts within you. Therefore, my first suggestion is to know exactly what you are looking for.
1. Have a friend help you write your profile. Your friend has a way of pointing out your positive points without sounding like you are bragging. Many of us have a difficult time talking about our strengths; it may sound vain or arrogant. A friend can write about you in a way that is flattering, but also heartfelt.
2. Most people reading your profile don’t care about bad or negative things that have happened to you. If you are jaded or cynical, keep it out of your profile. When someone is trying to decide if they want to pursue you and they read that you have had bad experiences with men or women in the past, they will think one of two things. The first is they will think you will be too needy or clingy. Secondly, they may feel you are too difficult. Neither of those may be true, but the reader will never know
3. Remind yourself that you can only have one relationship at a time (hopefully). Therefore how many responses you get isn’t the goal; the goal is to get people you actually enjoy to respond. If you talk about sex, you are going to get many responses, but is that what you want? What would you want someone to know about you that would make or break the date? That something is very important. Be honest with everything you say, but don’t say too much in the profile.
There are three areas to tread carefully in with online dating. The big three are money, sex and kids. If you have children, your main concern must always be in protecting them. The other two should be mentioned on your profile as you would when meeting someone for the first time (for most of us that means we wouldn’t talk about either in depth if at all). Careers are an area of interest, and what people choose to do with their careers say a lot about them. Knowing how you feel about your work, vision, and what you want in life will send a message of strength in your online profile. –Mary Jo Rapini
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