I have clients who date online. Writing the profile is one of the most difficult parts of online dating. How honest can they be? How honest are the people they are trying to attract? One of my clients is the nicest guy; in fact, his inability to assert and defend himself enables others to take advantage of him. His profile looks something like this: “single, 40ish male seeks 40ish single female.” He goes on to say he likes to bike, ski (both on water and snow) and try new restaurants. He wrote that he was a professional, but not addicted to his work. He also wrote he didn’t mind kids. He ends with saying he wants a friend first and foremost.
I like his profile because it is so honest, but it may lack depth. He is not playing any games and is very modest so he doesn't feel the need to point all of his numerous assets. Yet, women don't respond to his profile, even though he has his photo up and is nice looking. My client says the reason he thinks women don't respond is because he doesn't say exactly what he does. He believes women want to date more than a professional and would prefer to know exactly what he does so they would know how much money he made. Really, has it come to that? Women would only be interested in a nice guy like my client if he made a lot of money? Truth be known, my client is very wealthy. He holds back from revealing that because he fears being used for his money.
A close friend of mine is also dating online. Having a relationship is on her list of the top three things she wants in life. When I read her profile, it does not mention the "R" word at all. When I ask her about this, she responds that if guys see the “R” word, it is a turn off and they won't ask her out. She said being honest with what she wants would scare a potential partner away. I would think just the opposite. I think owning want you want assures the likeliness of it happening.
I like the concept of dating online. I have gone to several weddings where the couple met online, but is it more dishonest than dating in person? Game-playing is part of most dating in the very beginning, but if you begin a relationship with deception, when do you start being more honest? Is it deception if you hold back from revealing something you fear may affect securing a date? Below are a few suggestions that can help you end up with the type of person you are looking for. Many of the conflicts that arise from dating online are conflicts within you. Therefore, my first suggestion is to know exactly what you are looking for.