10 Tips to prevent Marrying/Tenuring a Slacker


10 Tips to prevent Marrying/Tenuring a Slacker
Many times couples want the cake, the ring, and the wedding, but forget marriage takes work. 10 tips

When we are in a relationship, we begin to assume a “knowingness” of each other. We know what they like to eat, like to wear, and familiar quotations. Sometimes couples even begin finishing each other’s sentences, if not aloud then often to themselves. They begin meeting less for lunch because, let’s face it, they know each other. What more is there to say? They begin filling their calendar with meetings, schedules of others. It’s their job, they tell themselves, and the family depends on me to make money, so I need to keep networking. This is true. We all have to keep networking, advancing in our careers. Money is becoming scarcer. If you don’t produce, many times you are out.
Marriage or a committed relationship is the same as your work. The problem is that when people get married they think of their life together as acquiring “tenure.” Tenure is a great concept if you tenure a professor, or a person who is a hard worker, great producer, and self-motivated. But the institution that tenures someone who only wants to show up to work, collect a paycheck and go home is a liability for the company. They can drain the company/institution both emotionally and financially. If you were to tell your boss, wife or husband that you planned to get tenured/married and then just show up each day they wouldn’t tenure you or marry you. Of course, that’s a no brainer. The problem is they don’t tell. They may be obsequious and work really hard to get what they want, and then they become total slackers. My practice is alive and thriving because someone married a slacker. Someone married someone who wanted “tenure” and had no intention of still working after they got it.
Marriage, just like work, takes attention, commitment, and one’s ability to continually produce new stuff. It gets stale and dull if people aren’t willing to make changes, try novel adventures, or remain curious of one another rather than assuming. No one needs to get married or tenured for that matter. It’s a privilege, an honor. Tenure/marriage is vital if you want to promote stability, so in the case of children you need to be married for the best possible outcome for that child to grow up in a stable environment. Promoting marriage and keeping it alive should be one of the areas we explore prior to getting married. When a couple comes in telling me about how in love they are, I am happy and excited for them, but then I have a few questions to ask them. The answers help them decide if they are ready to be tenured/married. As with all matters, people are unpredictable. Sometimes the slacker never knew they were a slacker until after marriage. Since this happens more than not, let’s confront the “slacker issue” head on with question number 1.
Pre-marital questions to help detect slacker traits:
1. What do you do when you don’t feel like going to work? Do you work to live, or live to work? Do you feel like what you do at work is important? Is it more important than your marriage? Be careful here…work is often how people identify themselves, but when they marry, the marriage must come first in order to be healthy.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Jo Rapini


For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

Sleeping In The Nude: Does What You Wear To Bed Affect Intimacy?


A recent survey published by Cotton USA reveals that 57 percent of married couples who sleep nude report being happy with their partner. Roughly half of all couples do sleep nude and approximately half of those are over the age of 55. Is it the nudity itself helping couples feel happier with their partner or is the nudity symbolic for something deeper that ... Read more

5 Ways To Survive A Friend Unfriending You


A group of my colleagues and friends were talking about losing good friends. One of my friends' situations was a job promotion and a change of location. Her friend cut her off, didn't want to be her friend anymore, and un-friended her on Facebook, leaving her feeling confused and mistrusting. Had this person been a friend at all? Another friend told ... Read more

Fighting Fair Made Easy In Six Easy Steps


http://youtu.be/-_G4NpWgyNQ   The one area that most couples do not explore before they get married is "how to fight". It may seem derogatory, or somehow cynical to focus on how you will fight with each other when you are beginning a new life together, but nothing could be further from the truth. Learning to fight fair has health benefits as ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.