My journey from uncaring to loving was a difficult one. I had a pretty rough upbringing as a child. All I really cared about was myself and I brought that attitude into my future relationships with women. It was all about me and if you couldn't deal with it, tough.
Then, one day a very tragic event happened in my life. My mother died of cancer and it changed my life forever. When she died, I was forced to face my own mortality. I was so afraid to die because of my fear of the unknown. I saw my mom take her last breath but she seemed at peace. Just weeks before she talked about her conversation with Jesus and speaking to angels in her sleep. Was she just imagining things? Or was see really telling the truth? I never really went to church or even read the bible. I was so confused.
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Then one day while watching a religious service on TV, I decided to give my life to God. I felt the results immediately. I felt a change in my heart and a new zeal for life. But I still had a uncaring Spirit. I also held grudges and became judgemental. I scared a few people off and was labeled a "judgemental Christian". Hmm? Was I really a "judgemental christian"?
And God directed me to the following verse:
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you". - Matthew 7:1-2
I learned later, that God speaks to us all the time. We just have to listen. He speaks to us through the Bible, in our dreams and sometimes through other people. I was directed by a fellow christian to read the following verse:
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."- John 3:16
I found myself wondering.... Who would do such a thing? Who would sacrife their own son for us? I had to know more about God and His son. I started reading the Bible from cover to cover and rereading it. And everytime I read it, I felt a change in my heart. I could actually feel that uncaring Spirit fade away especially after reading the following verses:
"He who does not love does not know God, for God is love".- 1 John 4:8
"And though I have all faith, so I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."-
I Corinthians 13:2
I also meditated on the Word as a way to connect with God and went to church to learn more about Him. The next step, was to let go of an unforgiven Spirit, so I could allow love to enter in.
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"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you".- Ephesians 4:32
My journey is a lifelong one but in time transformation is attainable. I've found that loving Spirit and now I'm able to forgive through the Power of God. Believe and receive!