Between 2 to 5 years into our marriages—if we aren’t aware of the tendencies of why men communicate to predominantly solve problems and women communicate to connect to other people, then we can find ourselves resenting one another. As tensions crop up in our marriage just due to living life, men can increasingly withdraw into their work, or pursuits outside the marital relationship, as women increasingly attempt to talk issues out either at (notice I didn’t say with) their husband, or look to others outside of their marriage to feel appreciated and loved.
(2) The Mars Venus Analogy is Light-Hearted & Easy For All People to Relate to and Understand
When relationships begin to fall apart it is serious business. Running to a professional, rather than facing it head on ourselves can decrease our self-confidence, and set us back, because talking often does not solve the problem, but rather reinforces it. Time may well be better spent learning and implementing new relational skills (conflict resolution, gender intelligence, emotional intelligence, stress and anger management, positive parenting) to alleviate symptoms in the present and for future success. Then follow-up maintenance of learning how to reframe our memories to offer forgiveness, and re-build trust may be useful. Mars Venus material lets you build upon your relationship, it does not see your relationship as needing to be fixed or failing, and it empowers you as the individual to take control and responsibility for creating a successful marriage based on your own solutions and strengths.
We may find ourselves having affairs, or cheating emotionally with someone other than our spouse, we may contemplate divorce, and we may separate our children from having a stable upbringing as well if we go through with divorce. We become afraid, we begin to panic, and the realization that our love is a place of stress instead of comfort is painful. John Gray uses his extensive experience of over 20 years as a marriage and family therapist and synthesizing research to explain the trends in a light-hearted way to take the sting out of the issues we are facing. Relationships are constantly in a state of evolution. We first have to recognize this is the case. If we don’t the more we try to keep things the same, like questioning why it’s so hard to hold onto the honeymoon phase, then the more they change.
It is not our similarities that keep us together, it’s often recognizing, appreciating, and working with our gender differences that complement and deepen a long-term relationship. When we hold onto our core values, then the by-product is our ability to focus on the highest good both for ourselves, and our spouse. Our decisions are then made from a place of love, rather than denial, avoidance, hurt, sadness, fear, jealousy, embarrassment, or anger.