When you think about Valentine’s Day what is the first feeling that comes to mind? If you’re like me or my husband, then our initial feelings tends to be one part apathy mixed with a lot of excitement. We want to celebrate our relationship, but we also do not want to fall prey to over-commercialization. We’ve celebrated enough Valentine’s together (ten and counting!) that chocolate and roses seem thoughtless, instead of thoughtful. This got me thinking about what three presents are perfect for both him and her.
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I’d even go so far as to suggest you write 2 love letters: one to yourself about how you want to be loved, and the second to your partner about how much you love, care, and appreciate them.
Why two letters? Well, some of us may not know where to begin when writing a love letter to someone else. We often pick presents based on the type of presents we want to receive ourselves. By writing a love letter to yourself you’ll gain clarity on what makes you feel loved and cherished. You can either keep this to yourself, or you can share with your partner as a way to honestly communicate to him or her exactly what makes you feel loved.
Take the guesswork out of it. When you hold onto expectations and assumptions without ever verbalizing what makes you feel loved aloud to your partner you set them up to fail. They cannot read your mind. When you articulate your expectations and assumptions, then they are no longer unrealistic expectations or unexamined assumptions.
In your second love letter you can express the myriad of ways you notice and are grateful for the other person being in your life. This is especially important for men to receive this type of acknowledgment. I don’t believe we as a society do enough to praise and notice the good in others. Men seem to be particularly vulnerable, because there is a cultural misnomer that women can be and do it all. We can’t. And we need to articulate that we believe our men are strong and are very much needed in our life. By showing appreciation for everything men are doing right, it does a lot more than balance out the chemistry in the bedroom.
I do not know a person out there who does not feel over-scheduled, harried, or rushed for time. Slow down. Unplug. And, let the night unfold gradually giving both people a chance to reconnect, unwind, and get into a romantic mood. Carving out quality time where neither person is rushing from one activity to the next is one of the best gifts you can give one another.
Forget dinner reservations if you’re rushing to make the dinner date. Instead focus on one another and enjoy each other’s company. Savor it minute-by-minute. Who knows, you may enjoy this type of time together, that you’ll make dates to do “nothing” (as in let the night naturally unfold into good conversation and/or love making) more often. A relaxed atmosphere does wonders for the libido, for rejuvenation, and for reconnecting on a deeper, emotional and spiritual level. We all can use more of this type of time.
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