Valentine’s Day brings mixed emotions for some people. Whether you are single, starting over, or in a relationship there’s something you can do this Valentine’s to set yourself up for a year full of love, not just on one holiday. A lot of us assume or expect our loved ones, family, and friends will make us feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. Much of our perceived happiness is actually controlled by how in-tune we are with filling our love needs by ourselves.
Starting today you can learn why some days you may feel out of sorts, unloved, and unappreciated. Then you can make the conscious decision to put into place new ways to think, feel, or act whenever you want more love in your life.
Dr. John Gray, who coined the analogy: men are from Mars, women are from Venus, breaks ages and stages (developmental time periods) into what he calls “The Ten Time Periods.” He uses the term “love vitamins” as a catchy, fun way to reference the essential love needs every person requires to move from one level of emotional development to the next.
Issue: Vitamin Deficiency
Like good nutrition to keep our bodies healthy, we need certain love vitamins to emotionally grow and stay true to our authentic selves. If we don’t eat enough of a certain vitamin corresponding to the love need of a time period, later on in life we may need to eat earlier love vitamins to satisfy the love needs that are almost empty.
Nobody grows through all ten time periods to maturity with all love needs fulfilled. As we grow into maturity, most of our dissatisfaction is not about the needs of the current time period. It’s due to not getting enough of a vitamin from a previous time period.
The growing pains of love for some people increase dramatically as they search for a partner to live with for the rest of their life. In our search we place emphasis on other people filling our love tank up; when really we should be focusing first on our own love nutrition. There is something to the wisdom that you have to be right with yourself, satisfied and in love with who you are before you become involved in a long-term committed relationship.
The chart below depicts the ten time periods and corresponding love need. While the time period is our chronological age, it is important to remember that our emotional growth doesn’t always correspond with our actual age.