Don’t be “nice” but DO be assertive, firm and confident. Not being nice does not mean being a bitch. It means getting your needs met and not giving into the culture that tells girls that they must please others or acquiesce. According to violence and safety expert, Gavin DeBecker, we must learn that “niceness does not equal goodness.” Niceness is a choice, a way to interact socially. It is not a character trait. There are some men who will initially be “nice” but may only act this way as a means to an end. It takes time to know someone’s true intentions and character. DeBecker advises to explicitly rebuff unwanted advances. By the same token, letting a boyfriend down easy when breaking up can also be dangerous. If you do not want to be in relationship with someone, it must be said one time and explicitly. This is not a negotiation and your actions must match your words. Once you say “no” to someone, there should absolutely be no contact.
Don’t believe there is one soul-mate out there for you, but DO believe that if you make good choices you will find a good partner. My college social studies professor once said to the class, “There is more than one person out there for you; you just aren’t going to meet all of them.” I have never forgotten how this shook my blissful state of denial, but at the same time gave me the reality check and perspective that I needed. It's about your choice in a mate and the work you do in that relationship. After reading Brian Weiss, an authority on "soul" topic, he believes that there are actually “soul families” or several people that are recycled through our many past lives that are there to teach us lessons. He states, “Never worry about meeting soul-mates. Such meetings are a matter of destiny. They will occur.”
Don’t be a victim, but DO create your own destiny. Don’t buy into the fantasy that if only you had a “functional family,” “weren’t abused,””parents didn’t divorce,” “weren’t abandoned,” or fill in the blank, then you would be just “fine.” But, dorecognize that you can tap into your resiliency and create the life you want.