"Why am I still single?"
This question plagues just about every woman who comes to Dating With Dignity for coaching. Invariably, before coming to me for help, she has asked this same question of her girlfriends, her mother, her best male friend, and even her therapist. More often than not, when a woman comes to me for coaching, she has enjoyed success in so many other areas of her life, but has been unsuccessful at ﬁnding and/or keeping a loving relationship; and she is, to put it simply, mystiﬁed.
More from YourTango: The Link Between Sex and Health
"It doesn’t make sense!" she declares. "Why?" she asks again. "Why am I still single?"
If you are asking yourself — and your friends, family, and mental health professionals — this question, I can help. The ﬁrst step is to examine the often contradictory and self-defeating beliefs that lie deep in your heart — beliefs you may not have admitted to yourself, let alone anyone else. These beliefs are likely the biggest obstacles standing between you and the relationship you desire. Once you uncover these beliefs, you'll shed the "It doesn’t make sense" mantra and get on with making the changes necessary to ﬁnd the relationship of your dreams.
So, why are you still single?
More from YourTango: The Real Reasons Why Men Cheat
For starters, it is likely that you have carried the lessons you learned from past relationships and childhood right into today, and this unconscious junk is now hindering your ability to attract the right kind of man — a man who is capable of engaging in a healthy dating process and, ultimately, committing to a relationship. Typically, female clients of mine uncover one of the following reasons why they are still single:
- Her limiting beliefs are so subconscious, she believes they are the truth.
- She believes she has to protect herself.
- She doesn't trust men, and she feels that she has to ﬁght to get what she wants.
- She needs to be right, and usually she doesn't even realize how that affects her conversations and relationships.
- She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and is in a constant state of worry.
- She doesn't respond, she reacts.
The good news is that, once you've uncovered your own truths, real and lasting change is possible. With a little work, you can adopt an entirely new set of beliefs and attitudes that can help you get the relationship you want and deserve.