What to Say When You’re in Conflict
By Marni Battista. Posted on .
The truth is, many successful, independent women get pegged as being “bitches” when they get into conflict with others, especially at work. Perhaps we are triggered because the person we are with is being condescending, rude, impatient or darn right mean. In any case, the challenge becomes not getting entrenched into the lower, negative energy of the person with whom we are dealing because we want to “win,” or be perceived as being “right.”
In some instances, however, this can be exceptionally challenging. Especially when, in most cases, you are right! Perhaps the person has just contradicted himself, or maybe there is something that has happened over which you had no control, but he did. Either way, we are more likely to stand in our strength and radiate powerful femininity if we learn how to create a “winning” resolution rather than bust our guts trying to prove our “right-ness.” In fact, one of the most powerful beliefs that can bring down your energy and, for that matter, your Date-ability Factor, is the need to always be right.
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That said, how do you stand in your power and strength without having to use your masculine competitive energy to prove a point? Here are a few important tips and techniques you can apply immediately:
The best way to disarm your alleged competitor is to
(1) acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings. For example, if John is trying to take a client away from you, and you have caught him in the act of alleged thievery, you might say, ”Gee John, you must be really frustrated because that deal you were working on didn’t go through and were thinking of calling Bill. (2) Next, you want to make sure that while you are validating John’s worry, you still communicate to John that Bill is your client. You could then say, ”The truth is that Bill and I have been working together for a while now, and while I know you want to grow your business, I need you to respect my relationship with him.” (3) At this point, you have had compassion for the other person, communicated YOUR needs, AND remained calm and empowered. (4) Last, you want to try to create a situation with the competitor in which you BOTH win. For example, “I am really good at cold calling. I would love to set some time aside to help you get new clients using my secret techniques!”
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If the competitor does not agree to collaborate and respect your wishes, then it is critical to create a healthy boundary with him, WITHOUT engaging in direct conflict. (which, can often be perceived as being the bitch). In this example you might say, “I know you are frustrated, but it isn’t ok for you to yell at me Greg. I would love to have a productive conversation with you when you are ready. Please email me and we can arrange a time to talk. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you refrain from contacting my client, Bill, again in the future.”
Phew….
