2. He stops mentioning plans of the future, or becomes vague about his immediate future plans (weekend, next month or next summer). When your guy used to talk about meeting his sister, or mentioning the fact that he would love to show you wine country one day, and becomes increasingly vague in regards to “future talk,” he may be unsure whether or not you are well-matched, or as discussed above, he is ready for a long-term relationship.
3. He severely slows down his communication with you over a long period of time (e.g., over a 1-2 week period) and makes excuses, even when you refrain from verbalizing your concern, or send “miss you” texts etc. Note that this is only pertinent if he has been consistently communicating with you daily and you then find that communication comes close to a grinding halt.
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If he is not able to “man up” and discuss his fears regarding his relationship-readiness, or politely and empathetically have the “we are not a match” conversation, it can then be time for you to get clarity. By engaging in a non-threatening conversation with him, you will be free from worry, endless wondering and catastraphizing, and the pain of self-doubt. The conversation can go something like this:
“Hey Ted, I have really, really enjoyed getting to know you for the past few weeks. It’s been a blast. There is something, though, that I want to tell you because I respect you and feel like you should know exactly what’s up with me. (Pause) I am at a place in my life where I know that I am looking for a relationship, and so I am wondering if there’s a way we could have a conversation in which we are really honest with each other about how this relationship is evolving, knowing that we could very well be in totally different places, and that’s ok for both of us long-term.”
PAUSE. Stop talking. Let Ted talk and see what comes up for him. You have given him room to be honest without being chastised. While you may be prepared to hear “the worst,” based on his recent behavior, know ultimately that if Ted is not looking for long-term love, it’s best he move on so that you can make room for Mr. Amazing.
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Mr. Amazing is looking for you if you are willing to be found. Therefore, you could be best served by making sure YOU are available!