Aloha Dignity Daters, and welcome to the “Meet Your Man 2013 Challenge – 3 Steps to Tell the Difference Between a Player and the Guy Who Is Looking For Love!” Woot to the Woot Woot!
Here’s the deal: 2013 is the year of a new you. If you’re over falling for the same types of men and feel like your relationships in 2012 (and prior) always seem to be going nowhere fast, then the New Year is the best time to take a fresh approach! Forget “The Rules”. Say goodbye to your go-to date on a lonely Saturday night: work. And challenge yourself to meet your man in 2013.
I know dating is not always easy, and that’s why I’m arming you with everything you need to reinvent the way you date, so you can finally meet a man who is truly ready for an awesome relationship with YOU. There are just three simple steps you need to follow on your way to the new “super” you — the you who will finally attract the men you want, not the guys you’re used to getting.
And the first step is… drum roll please…
Step One: Get Some Serious Mojo Going In the Self-Love Department.
Men love women who love themselves, and that means if you want to meet your man this year, you have to say no to being the “cool” girl.
After reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn this holiday season, it reminded me of one of the most tragic dating urban legends today: the cooler you are, the more men will want you to stick around. The character Amy describes it best:
I was the “cool girl” – the perfect girlfriend, not whiny, dependent, jealous or easily offended, beautiful without seeming to primp. A cool girl seems to be invulnerably confident. That is, she recognizes that the cool girl thing is a role, a construct. A woman can play that role so well that it lets her manipulate men. But implicit in that passage, if I can articulate it succinctly, is this sense that playing the role is also oppressive because it is, in fact, never sustainable.
That said, if you continue to find yourself in relationships that have a three-month expiration date because you can’t sustain being “cool” (The mere crumbs he dishes out ultimately just aren’t enough), or you feel like you’re the one who’s constantly in pursuit while endlessly trying to interpret his every word and behavior, or you’re always working harder to make the relationship work than he is, it’s time to take a step back.
The first step you must make in 2013 is recognizing your self-worth. You don’t have to be the “cool” girl to be attractive. In fact, relationship ready men are actually turned OFF by the “cool” girl. They are, however, attracted to women who have the chutzpah to say no, set boundaries and know what they want from a man. And once you realize how great you are even though you’re not perfect (nobody is!), then take steps to make those changes and start appreciating yourself.
Because at the end of the day, Dignity Daters, the best way to get into a good relationship, or marry an amazing guy, is to realize you deserve it.