How to Get Him to Propose
By Marni Battista. Posted on .
Are you in a long-term relationship with someone and want to know how you could get him to propose marriage? If you’ve already read "Does He Want to Marry Me? The Dating with Dignity Guide to Getting Engaged" and are wondering if there are any steps you can take to get him to go to the next step, you’ve come to the right place.
One thing is certain: dropping hints is NOT a good way to get him to propose. At Dating with Dignity we call this “leaking.” When a woman “leaks” without being direct, it can actually push a man away. Most men are on their own timeline and internally need to make darn sure they’re ready before popping the question. The reason? Although we might think that if he’s found “ the one” there should be no question about whether he wants to marry you, he has to be READY in the way that he personally defines “ready.”
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So how to get him to propose?
Our friends at Glamour have suggested that you bake him a chicken. Here at Dating with Dignity, we have some alternative suggestions.
Find out if he has realistic expectations of you and your relationship with him.
It’s important to note if your man knows that every relationship is going to have its own variety of ups and downs. If he thinks you should never disagree on anything or argue EVER, this is a red flag that he’s not going to be ready to propose anytime soon. He may be caught in the chase of perfection, unable to articulate what he wants differently or hoping, secretly, that maybe you will change to fit this idealized version of relationship.
Mature adults realize that no one person is perfect and that when you find a person who’s not only committed to the growth of the relationship but also sees value in growth itself rather than the destination of perfection, you’re both most likely to find marital bliss. As long as both parties have realistic expectations of how a relationship works, you’re on the right path to marriage.
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If he’s working toward a professional milestone or goal:
Is it ever okay to give an ultimatum? If you think your man can’t see himself with anyone but you, but he’s currently focused on something like getting that big promotion or another professional milestone, it may be okay to give him a firm deadline of how long you can wait (i.e., when he gets the promotion, when he finishes business school, etc).
At the same time, open communication about marriage is the best way to get a feel for his views on it and when he might actually be ready for it. What’s essential is that you don’t imagine or assume you know how he feels or thinks about marriage, you or being “ready.”
