A night in the field with clients is one of the best ways to really assess how her energy is being broadcast. Often, in her conscious she believes she is doing “everything” she can to meet Mr. Right. For example, she “puts herself out there,” is an active internet dater perhaps, or considers herself open minded and non judgemental. In using the D-Factor, Date-Ability Assessment, I am able to discover that this conscious self-perception often does not match the true beliefs that lie in her subconscious. This knowledge, coupled with watching someone in action, can be an amazing way to help someone tweak and polish their vibe so that they can begin to attract not who they GET, but the men they WANT.
As Julie’s coach, it was my responsibility to provide her with direct feedback and coaching throughout the evening. The event was a party in the hills of Hollywood. In some respects, it was a stereotypical Hollywood event as there were an array of plasticized 20-something blondes in provocative clothing, and those men in their 40, 50s and older who seemed intent on mingling with the aforementioned blondes.
However, upon closer inspection, there were also an incredible number of intelligent, appropriately dressed, well-intentioned men and women who were interested in making deeper connections with other humans. I know this because I met several of them while my client mixed in with the crowd. My client had three main areas in which we decided to work on this particular Sunday night.
1. Appropriate techniques she can use to invite men to approach her. Immediately, my client noticed that when she was interested or attracted to men, she had difficulty making eye contact. In fact, I observed that when men looked at her, she looked down, turning her head away from the man. When prompted to look directly at the potential suitor for three seconds as smile, my client literally could not do it. She realized her blocks in this area were profound.
2. How behaviors impact the image and messages she broadcasts to men. Throughout the evening, my client and I reviewed and discussed several messages we believed other women and men were projecting. Some of the messages were obvious (such as the aforementioned blondes), while others were slightly more intriguing. For example, a tall woman who wore a mid-thigh animal print dress stood over the buffet table investing a large amount of energy into chewing her celery sticks. She did not smile; she was too busy chewing.
Understandably, “animal print” woman may have felt awkward because she was standing alone. Nevertheless, her discomfort increased with each stalk of celery she picked up, as her chewing and interest in the buffet table continued to make her completely unapproachable. Ten minutes later “animal print” woman put down the celery, stopped chewing and began to look around the room. She relaxed her shoulders, stood up and lifted her head. She moved approximately four steps away from the buffet table, slightly leaning into a nearby wall. Almost immediately, a nice looking man approached and began to engage her in conversation.