In addition, because their secondary default tendency is to be a care taker, she is drawn towards the desire to fix or change Mr. Elusive and wants to the the “ONE” to pull him out of his guilt and/or victim thinking. As this magnetic energetic pull is mostly unconscious, women with high levels of victim and care-taking energy may become caught in an endless rut of trying to make Mr. Elusive see that “she is different,” and that with the “right” person he can be successful in relationships. Often, though, she will feel frustrated and “blame” when she is not successful.
How to Repel Mr. Elusive
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1. Ensure that your primary source of validation does NOT come from fixing, helping or “changing” another person. Learn how to self-soothe, and adopt an attitude of “detached involvement,” in which you show empathy and compassion for him, yet do not give up your needs in order to meet his.
2. When he engages in conflict, do not participate. Respond with neutral comments. Acknowledge and validate his feelings, and then give him room to self soothe. Ensure that you have boundaries, and if his “hot/cold” does not meet your needs, express what it is you are looking for in a relationship. If it is not a match, do not waste time or energy hoping he will change. He won’t.
3. Don’t manipulate him by playing “victim” to get attention, or lure him back.
4. BELIEVE him when he tells you is not suitable for a relationship, or gives you any version of “the disclaimer.” He will tell you that he can’t be changed, and this is true until he is willing to see how change might enhance his life.
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