9 Dating Dealbreakers

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At a certain point, too much baggage becomes a dating dealbreaker.

4. A partner who's inconsiderate of others. A person who treats other people poorly, such as waiters and service people, has a poor character. Chances are, he or she will treat you just as badly down the road. Judge a potential partner by how he or she treats others. Never settle for someone who's rude or inconsiderate of others' feelings.

5. A partner who sees you as a sperm bank or a uterus. If you are desperate to have a baby — and, yes, this applies to some men, too — you can't let this affect your search for a partner. Don't settle for someone who's less than a soulmate just because your biological clock is ticking. And if your potential mate brings up the subject of having children with you before you've even had your second date, be wary of being used as a sperm bank.

 

6. A partner with bad manners and/or hygiene. A true soulmate will have your feelings in mind. He or she won't offend you with bad manners or poor hygiene. If he spends every meal on his cell phone, avoiding conversation with you, get rid of him. (If he's a doctor or single parent and gets an emergency call, give him some slack, of course!)

If your potential soulmate always meets you in a t-shirt and flip-flops and doesn't bother to brush her teeth, then she doesn't care about your feelings. If he burps and farts at the dinner table and picks his teeth with a matchbook, he's not for you. Your soulmate will want to show you his or her "best side" even beyond the first few dates..

7. A partner who's "full of him/herself." Self-confidence is attractive — boastfulness is not. Men who brag about how much money they make, their six-pack abs or their brand-new Ferrari aren't soul-mate material. This "macho talk" means he's more interested in himself than in you. And it works both ways. Men are turned off by women who are always talking about their looks, their taste for expensive jewelry or their manicures. Look for a partner who's modest about his or her appearance and accomplishments.

8. A partner who's "high-maintenance" or needy. Never settle for a partner who relies solely on you for entertainment. An attractive soulmate is independent, not joined to you at the hip. He or she should have his or her own interests. When I ask my male clients if they care what kind of job a woman has, 95 percent of the time they will answer, "I don't care what she does as long as she has a job and it is something that she enjoys or is passionate about."

He doesn't want the pressure of knowing she is just waiting for him to finish work or whatever he is doing so he can get home to entertain her. A certain degree of independence makes for a balanced and healthy relationship.

9. A partner who talks about his/her ex all the time. It is a real turn-off to both men and women to hear stories or complaints about the person's ex. You want to become involved with someone who is over the past and ready for a new relationship. I get feedback so often from both men and women about their date going on and on about their ex. And often it is extremely negative. Put the past in the past and focus on the person in front of you.

Baggage or not, quality of character is what will really carry you through a long and happy journey with your soulmate.

Article contributed by

Marla Martenson

Matchmaker

Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
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