Mixed Messages In Dating


Mixed Messages In Dating
Jumping to conclusions can prove fatal to a first date.

When I gave Paul this feedback, he was surprised and said that Tammy was the one who grabbed his hand from across the table. He did ask her if she had plans for that Thursday, it just so happened that it was Valentine’s Day. And as far as trying to kiss her on the lips, he said that she kissed him on the cheek while waiting for the valet to bring the car. I hear this type of feedback quite often -- the woman feels that the man was too touchy-feely, and the man says that she initiated it. Men can often interpret a touch on the arm, revealing clothing or sitting very close as an invitation for more intimate contact.  Set your boundaries from the beginning if you are not sure about chemistry by being sweet and friendly but keeping an appropriate distance and your hands to yourself.

Do you notice a common thread that runs through so much of the feedback from both the men and the women? He/she talked mostly about themselves. They didn’t seem interested in me. I hear this so often -- especially when alcohol is involved. That’s when  people tend to really spill their guts about their past, flaws, doubts and fears and take over the conversation. But vino aside, a seeming lack of interest is one of the most common  complaints I hear. Everyone wants to feel important, interesting, captivating, attractive and noticed. Listening and really showing an interest in the person who is sitting across from you is crucial. Even if you know that you have no romantic chemistry and do not plan to see this person again, why not go ahead and practice your listening skills? You just might learn something as well!

More from YourTango: 30 Relationship Lies To Leave Behind

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Marla Martenson


Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
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