50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex

Mixed Messages In Dating


Mixed Messages In Dating
Jumping to conclusions can prove fatal to a first date.

The human mind (ego) can play some pretty nasty tricks on us at times. Very often I will give a gentleman info on a new match with her phone number and he will call her, excited to meet a new lady and hoping that she will finally be “the one.” A day or two or three will pass, and I get a phone call from him notifying me that his match has not returned his phone call.  He will go on and on with possible scenarios as to why she did not return his call. “Maybe she got back with her ex, or she is not serious about finding a relationship, or she probably did not like my voice on the phone or my description.” I sit there patiently listening, then give my usual response, “ The fact is, you don’t have any idea why she hasn’t returned your call, so why make-up these elaborate reasons and stress yourself out? Let me call her and find out -- and I will let you know.”

More often than not, I will call or e-mail the lady and ask what is going on.  It usually turns out that she was just swamped with work, had family in from out of town, or she herself was out of town and was planning to call him as soon as she had a free moment to relax and talk to him. She did not go back to her ex, dislike his voice, or any of the hundred reasons he came up with.

More from YourTango: No Whimps Allowed: Handling Dating Rejection With Grace

It is very important to get out of our own way and not to listen to the ego -- the voice in the head that is constantly creating drama and scenarios that may or may not be true but for sure will drive you crazy.


More from YourTango: Are You The Marrying Kind & Is It Really Possible To Have It All?

Below are some examples of situations with my clients that illustrate how people often jump to conclusions.  This mindset only perpetuates the frustration and negativity around dating in general, the very last thing you need!


This feedback was written after the couple had gone out on 2 dates:

Hi Marla,
Update on Marissa. Believe it or not, I never saw her again. We had a fantastic first date. I mean it really clicked. I tried to play it cool, but she grabbed my hand to hold it while walking to her car. She told me to kiss her. We then made plans for our next date. Over the next two weeks, things came up with her, for example at work, with family and then sickness. But she kept insisting how much she wanted to see me again. We were all set to see each other last Sunday but then she called and told me she had the chicken pox. I said something like, “I’m sorry you are sick, lets try to do something when you are feeling better. Midweek I phoned. She never returned my call. I have not talked to her since. I don’t get it? I feel like I got teased. I am asking you to contact her and get feedback for me.
Thank you.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Marla Martenson


Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Marla Martenson:

No Whimps Allowed: Handling Dating Rejection With Grace


Dating and rejection, these two words often seem to go hand-in-hand. It is just part of the equation. Chemistry is not something that can be predicted. So even if the date goes well, that romantic spark might not be there. I remember when I was out there in the dating pool seeking a soul mate. I had a strategy for deciding if the guy should get a second ... Read more

Are You The Marrying Kind & Is It Really Possible To Have It All?


I'm a big Chelsea Handler fan. I love her confidence, her wit and her honesty. She has been in the news lately for her comment regarding marriage where she said she's "not the marrying kind." In an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow, seen here on the Huffington Post, Handler says, "The truth of the matter is, I don't really know how to ... Read more

On Aging Gracefully And Being (Naturally) Gorgeous In Your 60s


In our youth obsessed culture, many women feel the pressure to stay as young looking as possible for as long as possible. Sadly, this pressure can lead some women to take drastic measures such as plastic surgery. Many of these procedures can be dangerous or turn out badly, leaving the woman regretting such a desperate move. In my opinion, the most beautiful ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Life Coach: The Questions You Should Ask Before You Commit

8 Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before You Commit To A Partner

Before you make the big choice of a partner, take time to ask some very important questions.

Dating: How to Tell if He is Ready For A Relationship

Can He Handle A Relationship?

Know whether a man is relationship-ready — before you get too involved.


Kegel Exercises For Men? A New Study Reveals All!

A new study reveals the sexual benefits of Kegel exercises for men: here's how to get started!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>