Something fun and light for the holiday season. Have some laughs at my expense with a chapter from my latest memoir, Hearts on the Line.
lipstick and chocolate
I always take time out for affirmations. They keep me centered, attract the right energy, and, I believe they change things. Well, what they change is me. I get peaceful inside and somehow it shows on my face. People then say or do things they might not have.
Gary shuts his cell phone and grabs me in a quick hug. “I just want to make sure everything is all right.”
The hug is totally awkward. But...it lets the anger valve release a steam of righteous indignation.
“Gary,” I begin. “I need to tell you about something.”
He listens impassively as I talk about Lewis and simply says, “We don’t need him. I’ll take care of it.”
Okay. Good. I head back to my office. This is the thing about Gary. He often comes through, but you always feel like the fault line runs through your office, and things could start shaking at any second.
Tired and washed out. Is this really how a woman has to stay at the top of her game?
A tired washed out forty-plus woman who attracted a pervert who thought he could buy her participation in phone sex—that just can’t be me. I’m glamorous. Perky. Professional.
In my office, I turn to my aroma therapy candle, but the melted wax has smothered the flame. I’m too lazy or stunned or freaked or something to futz with it. Coffee? It’s cold. My dish of chocolates is empty. I look at the outline on the wall where my little fountain used to hang, a small pool of serenity that fell off in a minor earthquake and cracked. I have no plans to replace it.
I turn and catch a fragmented, ghostly reflection of myself in the glass-covered pictures on my other wall. The chocolate ganache wall—a color custom blended by a trendy decorator—reminds me of a window with a couple of panes missing. I display pictures of happy couples I’ve connected, but one picture was of an engagement party in Malibu which never led to a wedding. The client wanted the picture taken down. The couple honeymooning in Bellagio on Lake Como in Italy are now divorced after only two years of marriage. The man is with another dating agency, and so, I took their picture down, leaving gaps I haven’t bothered to fill. Maybe I’ve lost a bit of what made me fill my space with a certain...fresh optimism.