50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

5 Tips to Getting Out of An Online Dating Rut

By

5 Tips to Getting Out of An Online Dating Rut
If you're willing to work, love might only a click away.
5 tips to get your groove back and make online dating work for you.

According to Statistic Brain, there are 54 million singles in the United States, and 40 million of them have tried online dating. It also states the percentage of female online dating users are 47.6% versus male users at 52.4%. So the good news for the ladies is that there are more men online than women. The bad news is that according to Statistic Brain, the percentage of sex offenders who use online dating sites is 10%, and an estimated 20-40% of men on dating sites are actually married, even if they state otherwise.

In addition to lying about marital status, there are other little fibs that singles are telling in hopes to land their dream date. Men lie the most about their age, height or income, and women most lie about their weight, physical build, and age.

More from YourTango: 30 Relationship Lies To Leave Behind

So with all of these depressing statistics to dodge, it's no surprise if you find yourself in an online dating rut or you're just burned out by the whole thing. Still, you aren't ready to give up on the dream of finding your soulmate, so you soldier on, trudging through the masses, hoping that the next "wink" or "poke" will come from "the one."

I've experienced the world of online dating firsthand. When I was single and had just moved from Chicago back to Los Angeles, I carried on a long-distance relationship for a few months that eventually wound down. I was fine with not dating for a while, I actually even told myself that maybe I would never get married again. After all, I had walked down the aisle twice already with the wrong men, apparently I wasn't such a great picker. My aunt and cousin were both having fun meeting lots of nice guys online, so after much persuading, they talked me into trying it. I went ahead and put up a profile and photo. I didn't have a full-time job yet, which was a good thing, because weeding through all of the guys who wrote to me was a daunting task. Nine-tenths didn’t even take my requests into consideration; if they liked my photo, that's all they needed to make contact. I wondered if they even bothered to read my profile at all!

I ended up meeting four of the men who wrote to me. All were charming in their e-mails and behaved like gentlemen on our dates, but something was a bit off with each guy. The first guy was still technically married, with three kids under the age of five (I had clearly stated that I did not want to meet men with children). The second guy looked at me like I had just landed in my flying saucer from Mars when I told him about the spiritual center that I attended, and never called me again. The third, a producer, promised to put me in his movie the minute he met me (yeah, right!), and the fourth was not even the guy in the photo in his profile. He had uploaded a photo of a stylish, sexy model with kissable, full lips, blonde hair and steel blue eyes. Well, my jaw dropped when a guy with frizzy brown hair, thin lips, stone-washed jeans and a wrinkled shirt showed up at my door. Those four experiences were enough to turn me off of online dating. A month later, I met my husband through a mutual friend.

I met a sixty-year-old woman named Lena who was in contact on one of the more popular online dating sites with a much younger man, Simon, who lived in London. His photo was gorgeous, and he had a great sense of humor. He charmed, wooed, and flattered her until she believed that they were in love. He told her that he was longing to come and visit her, but he was in Nigeria working and he hurt himself there. He had a big hospital bill and could not leave the country until it was paid. Simon even had the "doctor" call Lena to explain what had happened. Simon said that if Lena would wire 2,000 dollars to Nigeria as soon as possible, he would take the next plane and go directly to her house. He wanted to build a life with her and he was so excited. She sent him the money, only to never hear from him again.

But even with sad stories like Lena's, online dating sites are still a viable option for singles. There are people finding love online, and the next one might be you! So if you're in a rut, here are five tips to get back to your feet and back in the game:

• Take a month or more off to do some work on yourself, such as attending a fun seminar, joining a spiritual center, volunteering to feed the homeless, running a marathon, cleaning out all of the clutter in your home, or taking some new classes at the gym; anything to mix things up. When your energy is high and life has some new purpose and meaning for you, it's a great time to get back out there and meet some great people.

• Think of the online dating site as a virtual cocktail party. You are there to circulate and mingle, chit-chat and find out if anyone is interesting enough to invest more time and meet in person. Don't put so much pressure on trying to find "the one." Instead, search for candidates that seem intriguing enough to want to know more.

• Assess your list of must-haves. It just might be too long, cutting out a large portion of wonderful candidates. Keep your deal breaker or must have list to 5-8 things. A person doesn't need to have every hobby in common with you, meeting someone with some different interests will broaden your horizon, and you might be pleasantly surprised that you actually enjoy water skiing or bowling.

• Don't make it a chore. Too many hours spent searching can get exhausting, especially if you aren’t getting many responses or lame candidates are contacting you with cheesy messages. You can get jaded and frustrated quickly.

• Practice the Golden Rule; treat others as you would like to be treated. If you receive a thoughtful message from someone you're not interested in, send a quick note back: "Thank you for your kind note. I don’t think we're a fit, but I appreciate you taking the time to write me. I wish you the best on your search for a soul mate." Sprinkling kind words of encouragement into cyber space creates good energy and it will come back to you ten fold.

More from YourTango: Fall In Love With Your Man ... All Over Again!

More Online Dating Advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Marla Martenson

Matchmaker

Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Marla Martenson:

No Whimps Allowed: Handling Dating Rejection With Grace

By

Dating and rejection, these two words often seem to go hand-in-hand. It is just part of the equation. Chemistry is not something that can be predicted. So even if the date goes well, that romantic spark might not be there. I remember when I was out there in the dating pool seeking a soul mate. I had a strategy for deciding if the guy should get a second ... Read more

Are You The Marrying Kind & Is It Really Possible To Have It All?

By

I'm a big Chelsea Handler fan. I love her confidence, her wit and her honesty. She has been in the news lately for her comment regarding marriage where she said she's "not the marrying kind." In an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow, seen here on the Huffington Post, Handler says, "The truth of the matter is, I don't really know how to ... Read more

On Aging Gracefully And Being (Naturally) Gorgeous In Your 60s

By

In our youth obsessed culture, many women feel the pressure to stay as young looking as possible for as long as possible. Sadly, this pressure can lead some women to take drastic measures such as plastic surgery. Many of these procedures can be dangerous or turn out badly, leaving the woman regretting such a desperate move. In my opinion, the most beautiful ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

Letting Go Is Hard To Do

Healing your heart after divorce or loss of a spouse is worth the effort. Letting go is hard to do.

cozy up

Showing Love Through Touch

Touch is so incredibly important in relationships.

happiest

Listen Up, Darling: A Sex Kitten Is Never Hangry or Tired

Recently I shared eight surprising traits of a sex kitten. Each of those traits are ones that ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS