At one time or another most women have dated a “bad boy.” It usually happens in our 20’s when hormones are still running high and we are attracted to looks more than character. I certainly was one of those women. It all started when I was in high school and dumped the all American, blonde haired blue-eyed, sweet Southern guy for a quick-witted, tall, dark and handsome dude. The “dude” and I became tighter than tight and I raised him up in my mind to God status. In my eyes, he could do no wrong. I was crazy about him even though all signs pointed towards disaster and heart break. He told me everything that I wanted to hear whether there was a shred of truth to any of it. I now know that he was what would be considered a pathological liar. We dated through high school and a few years after. Years later, I googled him and read that he had been arrested for fraud and sentenced to prison. Was I surprised? Not in the least. Thankful that he and I parted ways long ago.
Did my first bad boy experience sour me on the idea? Not in the least! I went on to date, live with and marry bad boy after bad boy, including a Jewish drug dealer, a narcissistic French chef that thought the rules of the road or marriage didn’t apply to him, a Persian night club singer that wasn’t “ready for a girlfriend,” even though he had a key to my apartment, and a sexy Russian mortgage broker that forgot to tell me about his wife and toddler at home. As you might have guessed, yes, I love the exotic guys. There were more winners, but I think you get the drift.
These Romeos often wreck havoc and break hearts, spirits, bank accounts and decimate self-esteem, so why do women go for the dangerous types?
* Bad boys are often extremely good-looking. (enough said)
* Bad boys are exciting often going from one adventure to another, taking risks and living in the moment. It is exhilarating to be a part of that.
* Bad boys have a variety of women to chose from, so a woman will feel special when he picks her.
* A bad boy will take you out of your regular, boring routine, and add just enough drama to shake things up.
I thankfully grew out of the need to date bad boys, but it took me a long time. I was 39 by the time I had had enough. Working on my self-esteem, and developing a strong spiritual practice turned things around. I also believe that as I got older, as my hormones changed, the need for drama with men waned.
Some women, however, take the bad boy addiction to an extreme and actively seek out the ultimate bad boys, men in prison, and even on death row. Most of us wonder, what in the heck would possess a woman to befriend and even marry a man guilty of the most heinous of crimes and will most likely leave prison in a wooden box?