No Whimps Allowed: Handling Dating Rejection With Grace


couple rejection
Rejection & dating can go hand-in-hand. Here's what to do when it goes sour.

Dating and rejection, these two words often seem to go hand-in-hand.

It is just part of the equation. Chemistry is not something that can be predicted. So even if the date goes well, that romantic spark might not be there. I remember when I was out there in the dating pool seeking a soul mate. I had a strategy for deciding if the guy should get a second shot … if I couldn’t imagine kissing him; there was no point in a second or third date. That was the easy part. The hard part was letting the guy down easy. I usually took the cowardly way out, and just didn't return his calls. Immature, yes, I know that now, but I couldn't face hurting someone's feelings.


Not everyone takes rejection lightly. There was a story recently in the New York Post; An OKCupid date got so mad at a Queens student for not going back to his Brooklyn apartment that he stole her cellphone and hijacked her account — uploading photos of her and changing her profile to say "I'm available for threesomes," she told The Post. "It started pretty well," the 22-year-old St. John's University student said. "We talked for two weeks before we met in person."

You really don't know a person after only a couple of weeks of chatting. Sometimes women will really fall for a guy, declaring that "he is the one" after just a short period of time. But remember, everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. Witty banter and enthusiasm abounds at first. A person's real colors will come out eventually.

The same holds true in business. Working as a matchmaker, 99 percent of my clients are fantastic, but there is usually one that turns out to be a bad apple. I recall a gentleman that wowed me at our meeting. He was humble, down to earth, talented, charming etc. but whenever he was rejected by a woman, the next evening I would start getting nasty texts from him that would continue into the night. My guess is that he was sitting home alone (the texts always came after 9 p.m.) stewing and started pouring himself a few cocktails. He would threaten to splash my name all over the Internet with negative reviews, and just downright insult me. It was so upsetting. He could NOT handle the slightest bit of rejection.

On the other hand, some people have no problem telling their date to hit the road. As a matchmaker, I hear all kinds of wild stories. A few years ago, one of my wealthy male clients James, who lived in New York, got involved with a woman named Sarah who lived in Santa Barbara. They really fell for each other and decided to see each other exclusively. James flew Sarah back east often so that they could spend a lot of time together. He was even thinking about asking her to move in with him. He did, however, notice that she was drinking a bit too much when they would go out and that made him feel a little uncomfortable.

One day, Sarah accompanied him to a convention that was held in a hotel in Miami that he needed to attend for his business. While he was in a meeting that was to last for a few hours, she went to the bar to wait for him. When he finished his meeting, he went looking for her and found out from the staff that she had gotten so drunk at the bar she was unable to walk. They had to wheel her out on a luggage rack. (I just love that visual) Well, that was it for James. When they got back to New York, he asked her to pack up her things and he put her on the first plane back to Santa Barbara, never to see her again.

The purpose of dating is to get out there and have fun and to compare and contrast, in order to see who is the right fit for you and your lifestyle. If someone that you hope to see again, doesn't feel the same way, silently thank them and bless them on their journey. Wish them well. Your special someone may be just around the corner. When you handle yourself with grace and dignity, you will become a magnet for your soul mate to appear.

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Article contributed by

Marla Martenson


Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
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