Dying For Love


Dying For Love
The world of love can scary. We want to trust and to put our heart in the hands of a soul mate.

I have experienced not listening to my gut. In 1989 I married a  French chef after knowing him for six months. He was not physcially abusive, but he could sure dish out the verbal insults and put downs. He wasn't mature enough to be married, but since my self esteem was low, I just had to have him. My gut said that he was all wrong for me, but I went ahead and forced the relationship. I stayed with him after he had an affair with his best friend's sister who was visiting from France. My self-esteem was at a rocky bottom—I thought. But it turned out that it could go even lower.

My husband's green card came in the mail after we had been married for three years. What a coincidence that an hour after it arrived, he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was so distraught that I went up to Sunset Boulevard to a tattoo parlor blaring Gun’s and Roses and subjected myself to modern day torture by having a tattoo engraved on my left hip of a heart with a dagger through it with the words, L’AMOUR. I was a mess. I couldn’t eat or sleep and my heart literally felt as though it had been pierced by a dagger. I was able to convince him to stay with me after that, but why did I want to hang on to someone who didn’t love me? I tried changing my personality to be more “cool” and “easy going.” When he was there with his friends, I even walked around the house as nonchalant as a cigarette dangling from my lips could make me. All I got was a sore throat.
After four more years of tears and anguish, we finally parted for good. I knew that it was best and have never looked back.

Now I listen to my gut feelings about people, in romance and business. Your intution will tell you a lot. Love yourself first.

Article contributed by

Marla Martenson


Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
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