The Naked Truth: What You Need To Know About Men & Porn

The Naked Truth: What You Need To Know About Men & Porn

The Naked Truth: What You Need To Know About Men & Porn

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Don't let porn ruin your relationship. Understand the addiction and see what you can do!

It's no big revelation that men are driven by visual stimulation, and most men today have seen pornography in their life, especially since it's so easily available online, on cable, and on magazine racks. So what's the big deal? For one thing, I know of several marriages and intimate relationships that have ended or were severely stressed because the women were deeply hurt when they discovered their partner's addiction to pornography. Women rightfully like to feel that they are cherished as the woman most sexually-, emotionally-, intellectually-, and spiritually attractive to their partner.

A woman wants to know she has what it takes to engage and hold the interest of her man, and when she discovers that a virtual or photographed temptress has taken her man's attention, she may feel betrayed, offended, devalued, or unloved. The level of trust in the relationship will likely be wounded. Moreover, since just about every person on earth has a core fear of not being good enough to be accepted for who they are, porn invasion introduced by a man has way of magnifying this core fear in a female partner. What's Your Attachment Style?

But, this article isn't just about the emotional pain and damage to relationship that porn can cause, or the financial, drug, and physical abuse that many porn stars endure. It's also about what's at the root of a man's motivation to seek out porn, even at the risk of ruining a valuable relationship. Finally, it's about the female partner's responsibility in the situation. Ultimately in life, we're each 100% responsible for our own experiences ... not everything that happens to us, but how we feel, what we make things to mean, and how we decide to take action in response to what happens to us. Without playing a victim, we can actually empower ourselves to positively change the course of our lives.

 

Several years ago, a male client called me about wanting to break his addiction to porn because it had not only hurt his current and past relationships, but it was starting to affect his ability to perform sexually. The call got me to ask the question: Why do men look at porn or go to strip clubs, aside from being horny, needing release, or being driven by media programming? Turns out that a man's core fear of not being good enough has a slightly different facet than a woman's core fear. Men have a core fear that they don't have what it takes to please their woman or make her happy. Why do you think that a smiling woman is so enticing to a man?  It makes him think unconsciously, Gee, she looks happy. I bet she'd be easy to make happy. Maybe even I could make her happy.

With a few powerful questions, my client took a hard look at his core fear of wondering if he had what it takes as a man to bring real and satisfying pleasure to his partner. I also hit him with the naked truth that the erotically pleased women he looked at on a daily basis really didn't prove his ability as a man at all.  In fact, he was faking himself out and subtly and consistently reinforcing the belief that he didn't have what it takes. He knew that his porn viewing was a fraud, because like all fraud committed by normal people, it left him with guilt. In this case, guilt as a result of not going for the real deal (an unselfish and deeply satisfying relationship) and instead cheating himself and his partner. How Halloween Costumes Can Spice Up Your Relationship

After just three sessions, the man lost total interest in porn and he decided to go for a real relationship. There's no substitute for character except to make decisions and take actions that a man of character does. The light of his own truth showed him that porn was promising something it couldn't deliver: real and guilt-free satisfaction of being man enough to bring his intimate partner authentic pleasure.

So what about a female partner's role in her lover's attraction to and use of pornography? There are many aspects to personal responsibility, so for the space of this article we'll take a gander at just a few. Number one, selection is always a key. The partner you select is totally up to you. In life, we tend to attract what we have become. What we have become is largely dependent on our values, priorities, and choices. If a woman dresses like a stripper and is always thinking about how she can seduce a man, and then is shocked to find out that her partner frequents strip clubs, maybe she needs to look in the mirror.

Also, there are warning signs in life and they tend to get louder and brighter until we take notice. Perhaps you saw or heard one on your first date with your current partner. What you did or will do about it will positively or negatively change the course of your self-worth and relationship. The bottom line is that you can look for nakedly honest ways to empower your own choices, experience, and destiny, and refuse to play the victim, no matter how widespread porn is. Can Our Marriage Survive An Affair?

Oh by the way, there are a lot of men, probably more than not, who have no interest in porn, some of whom will appreciate authentic beauty like yours ... so, don't compromise! You can read more about beauty, pure attraction, passion, and polarity in my book, Being Love: 26 Keys to Experiencing Unconditional Love, available on Amazon.com, BN.com, and BeingLove.net.

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