The Naked Truth: What You Need To Know About Men & Porn

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Don't let porn ruin your relationship. Understand the addiction and see what you can do!

It's no big revelation that men are driven by visual stimulation, and most men today have seen pornography in their life, especially since it's so easily available online, on cable, and on magazine racks. So what's the big deal? For one thing, I know of several marriages and intimate relationships that have ended or were severely stressed because the women were deeply hurt when they discovered their partner's addiction to pornography. Women rightfully like to feel that they are cherished as the woman most sexually-, emotionally-, intellectually-, and spiritually attractive to their partner.

A woman wants to know she has what it takes to engage and hold the interest of her man, and when she discovers that a virtual or photographed temptress has taken her man's attention, she may feel betrayed, offended, devalued, or unloved. The level of trust in the relationship will likely be wounded. Moreover, since just about every person on earth has a core fear of not being good enough to be accepted for who they are, porn invasion introduced by a man has way of magnifying this core fear in a female partner. What's Your Attachment Style?

But, this article isn't just about the emotional pain and damage to relationship that porn can cause, or the financial, drug, and physical abuse that many porn stars endure. It's also about what's at the root of a man's motivation to seek out porn, even at the risk of ruining a valuable relationship. Finally, it's about the female partner's responsibility in the situation. Ultimately in life, we're each 100% responsible for our own experiences ... not everything that happens to us, but how we feel, what we make things to mean, and how we decide to take action in response to what happens to us. Without playing a victim, we can actually empower ourselves to positively change the course of our lives.

Several years ago, a male client called me about wanting to break his addiction to porn because it had not only hurt his current and past relationships, but it was starting to affect his ability to perform sexually. The call got me to ask the question: Why do men look at porn or go to strip clubs, aside from being horny, needing release, or being driven by media programming? Turns out that a man's core fear of not being good enough has a slightly different facet than a woman's core fear. Men have a core fear that they don't have what it takes to please their woman or make her happy. Why do you think that a smiling woman is so enticing to a man?  It makes him think unconsciously, Gee, she looks happy. I bet she'd be easy to make happy. Maybe even I could make her happy.

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