Are You Wracked With Guilt Over An Affair?
By Marina Pearson. Posted on .
4. See the balance. This is a very powerful part to getting you over affair guilt. We live in a world of complimentary opposites. There are no pluses without minuses and no going up with out coming down. There is no night without day and you cannot create a dark shadow without light. As there are benefits and drawbacks to every situation, you will need to look at what the benefits are to all parties involved.
Now, this goes beyond justification, beyond wanting to be right — this is about being able to see that just as you may have caused pain to those around you, you will have also caused them pleasure too. It's impossible for this not to be this way as it is a universal law.
Ask yourself what are the benefits of you doing what you did to whom you did it to. They will have benefited from what you did, they always do. For example, my ex-husband is now happily married and with someone that is far better suited than me. Not only that, he got to stand on his own two feet and end the relationship, which gave him the opportunity to re-claim his power back.
More from YourTango: 5 Ways to Trust Again After Infidelity
5. Learn from it. And finally, take the positive learnings from the experience and move on. Once I had learned what my patterns were, what beliefs and parts of myself I needed to work on, I was able to let go of the anger at myself and know the next relationship would be really different because I would have changed.
This way I wouldn't fall into the same patterns again and not always be a cheater. It is definitely not true when people say, "Once a cheater, always and a cheater" ... at least not if you work on yourself and get the support you need to shift what has not been working for you thus far.
To get the support you need, download the first free chapters of my book Goodbye Mr Ex.
I personally had to change what I thought of myself and what beliefs I had about me. Once I had done this (and do this with my clients) I knew I would choose a different behavior next time. Believing you have to suffer for what you have done does not help anyone. So forgive, accept, surrender, see and learn and watch the guilt dissolve.
More from YourTango: What You Shouldn't Do If You're Caught Cheating
To connect with Marina to read her blogs, watch her videos and download her free ebook "7.5 mistakes That Keep Women Stuck," go to www.DivorceShift.com
