2. Reclaim back what is important to you. Often I see a lot of women who feel beaten and downtrodden because they realize they completely lost themselves in the relationship. I have found there is definite correlation between women losing themselves in the relationship and their husbands having an affair.
The problem at this point is they hand all the power over to their husband's happiness and forget their own and relinquish what is important to them. If this sounds like you — use this time to relinquish back your power and find what is important to you, so you can get in touch with your purpose and therefore reclaim back your power. What bigger gift can you be given?
3. Find your freedom. Even though you may not be able to see it yet, such situations will usually be the catalyst towards your new-found freedom. Right now it may feel like hell, however having it end like this usually creates such a rupture that you know deep inside he was not the right person for you. Even though the anger and resentment may still be there — use this to propel you towards this new chapter of your life with a clean break.
Imagine, for a moment you had a relationship breakdown where you both wanted to be friends still. Do you think it might blur the lines to let go of the relationship? Of course it would. I have worked with clients whose relationship did not end in a bad way, which inevitably made it harder to let go of and has kept a lot of my clients hooked into their ex relationship, which has prolonged their suffering.
4. Find someone better for you. This relationship ending this way as giving you the opportunity to find someone who is better suited to you. I believe things happen so better things can come our way. Why not let that be the case with the affair? Surely you can find someone better suited to you?
5. Embrace the learning. Painful situations are an opportunity for us to learn from them. It is usually during the most painful situations that we learn and grow the most. I have found that once we emotionally heal, it's important to take the lessons forward so we don't find ourselves in the same situation over and over again.
See this as a learning experience and ask yourself — what have I learned from this and how can I take the learning to move forward in the most loving and compassionate way? Learning from painful situations are a big gift, as you can change what was not working and instead invite new ways of being.
Understanding the reason why your partner had the affair had nothing to do with you is key here. How your husband has decided to act is his business. Just like you, he has a story, just like you, he has belief systems, just like you, he has stuff going on.
I am in no way excusing his behavior — I just want to express this to you so that you don't take it personally. This is his journey he has decided to embark on. The minute you make it about you — you will fall into the pain and suffering.