You had a wonderful first date. But he never called back. So what went wrong?
As a professional dating coach, I hear many women ask that question. Well, guess, what, ladies: I also hear men give me their side of the story. So here it is – the truth from the other side.
No matter how great YOU think the date went, he will not call back if he thinks you are too aggressive (read: pushy, dominating, bossy, combative, argumentative, confrontational and contrary). You may or may not be any one of those things. However, it is how you are perceived by a man on that first date that will determine if there will be a repeat. Many men will like your type A personality…. They don’t necessarily want to see all of it on that first date. The key is not to lose yourself and pretend to be someone you are not. The key is to scale back a bit and let a man be a man.
Here is how:
1. LET THE MAN TAKE CHARGE OF THE DATE. Let him chose the place the time and schedule the date. Men love to lead and be in charge – let them.
2. BE A WOMAN. Heterosexual men are looking for women, not men. So bring out your flirtatious softer side. Toss your hair, giggle and enjoy your feminine side. Leave your inner-boss at home and lead with your inner girl, who is looking for love and romance.
3. LEAVE YOUR WORK AT HOME. A first date is not a place to discuss how you once fired your whole staff or how stupid your secretary is. No man wants to hear about your wrath as a boss as he is trying to hold your hand. He will be wondering what fury you might unleash on him if he ever tries to say or do something to contradict you.
4. A FIRST DATE IS NOT A BATTLE OF WITS. He realizes you are smart. That’s one of the reasons he asked you out in a first place. There is no need to prove that you are smarter than him, more knowledgeable or more experienced. Most men that are looking for a true relationship will not be able to fathom a lifetime of arguments and competitions. They are looking for a companion, not a sparring partner.
5. PICK YOUR BATTLES. Do you really need to debate whether to meet at seven or seven thirty? Is it that important to you that he order his own appetizer instead of sharing? Can you not live with him taking the highway instead of the streets? Some of us are so set in our ways, we don’t often see how trivial these ‘ways’ are. Don’t drag your date into petty squabbles about ‘doing it right’. Life is too short for petty squabbles. Sometimes it’s best to just loosen up and allow him to fall in love with you.