Should You Call Him Back?

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Should You Call Him Back?
You met a great guy who finally called you. Should you answer?

I normally don't write rebuttals, and especially not to other dating coaches' advice. However, a blog by David Wygant that was posted on Patti Stanger's website compelled me to start typing.

The Blog was called "Why don't men call?" In it, David Makes a point that if a man calls to ask a woman on a date, she needs to either pick up the phone or call him back immediately. He further objects to the woman texting a man back and "not actually speaking or arranging a date." David makes appoint that if you have a ‘real guy’ on the other line, you should jump at the opportunity to connect, otherwise, the guy will assume that you're not interested and walk away. But the straw that broke the camel's back for me was this gem: "Be happy that you have someone who wants to connect with you."

 

So is that what it boils down to? A woman should jump at the opportunity to connect with this man just because there are no better offers? Should a woman be so grateful that he called that she needs to call him back within an hour or miss her chance?

STOP THE NONSENSE. In all my years of practice as a dating coach, not one of my male clients told me that he walked away from a potential date because she didn't pick up the phone when he called. On the contrary: if a man is interested in a woman (REALLY interested), he will pursue her. I am not saying he will continue to harass a woman who is seemingly not interested. But he will at least try to reach her a few times before giving up. And if not, she probably should not go out with him anyway. Let's be clear: I am not recommending playing games. However, I will not advise any woman to appear too available. Appearing to 'easy' is one of the quickest and easiest way to turn a man off. And surely, we can't fault the woman for ‘not arranging a date.’ If a man is calling to ask a woman out, should he not be the one making those arrangements?

So what is the appropriate etiquette of getting together?

1. If a man calls, and you're not available to speak, it is perfectly acceptable to text him and advise that you will get in touch later. Just make sure you do so soon.
2. It is OKAY to exchange a few text messages before speaking. It is also acceptable to let him schedule the date, and text you the information.
3. Refrain from picking up the phone on the first (or even second) ring. It will seem like you were waiting for him to call and you may appear desperate.
4. You don't need to return his text within 30 seconds. After all, you too have a life. Your life does not revolve around his texts. 
5. It is not appropriate to not answer his texts (or return calls) at all. If you are not interested, just say so. Don't ignore him in hopes he will go away. That's rude and ill mannered.
6. Finally, (and this one is big), if a man does not offer to arrange a date, but instead keeps asking you what you want to do, or worse, asks you to arrange it, you may wish to reconsider altogether. That indicates either lack of confidence, leadership, or laziness. Either way, is this the man with whom you want to form a relationship?

More dating coach advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Marina Margulis

Matchmaker

New York Socials is an exclusive members-only dating club. We operate on principle that dating should be easy and natural. To achieve that, we organize Socials for our club members. Socials are cocktail parties where we introduce men to a number of women carefully preselected for them.

For more information, please visit my website at New York Socials.

Read my blog at Blog

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: CPC, Other
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