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Don't become her friend!

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Set your relationship straight from the beginning: do not fall into the friend zone!


Now, before you raise an eyebrow at me, consider this:  when was the last time you rejoiced after a woman offered you to ‘be friends’?  Every man, on hearing the dreaded ‘I just want to be friends….’  understands that what it really means is this: ‘…Sure, I will let you take me out.  …Absolutely, we can continue to discuss 18th century Russian Literature and enjoy the ballet! But afterwards, I will go home and have a hot two-hour wild and fiery sex session with Joe –the electrician, whom I met at the club last week.”

Doesn’t sound good, does it? So why are so many of you putting yourselves in a situation that will never end in anything but a good night peck on a cheek?  You may be that great guy who is always there for her, who treats her kindly and listens to her complaints about ex-boyfriends and unfair bosses; who nods a lot and agrees with her, but guess what – She DOES appreciate you as friend but sees absolutely no romantic potential in you.  Yes, NONE whatsoever, because she does not want a ‘friend’ for a partner or a lover.  She wants a strong, confident leader, on whom she can rely to get her out of tough situations; who will be a protector to her should she need one and a passionate and (not just) caring lover.

Gentlemen, once you are relegated to a ‘friend zone’, it is almost impossible to get out.  So how do you avoid ‘becoming a friend’ in a first place?

You need to believe in your own sexuality. Women will buy what you are selling only if YOU believe in it.  The minute we smell doubt – we’re out of there. 

2.     FLIRT
Flirting is an art.  Develop it, refine it, use it

Discussing philosophy can be erotic (if it is a subjects that interests you both), as long as it is intermingled with a few jokes and some flirting.  If the discussion becomes too intense, it will lose a sexual momentum for both of you.  There will be a time for deep conversation later- but you will have to safely pass the ‘friend-zone’ obstacles first.

If I know I can have you, I will lose interest.  Women want what is difficult to attain. If a woman thinks you’ll be at her feet at a snap of a finger, you lost her respect. If she is unsure – she will try harder.

If, at the end of a first date, you are not kissing her good night, you might as well kiss this relationship good bye.  The first kiss should never be a wet and sloppy twenty-minute-tongue-in-throat-calisthenics.  It should be a sensual, brief indication of the pleasure to come.  Always leave her wanting more!

This article was originally published at New York Socials . Reprinted with permission from the author.


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