Insecurity, a fear-based emotion, exists in relationships where trust has never been established nor proven. It has the ability not only to paralyze a relationship, but also to shatter it. Fear, the prime component of insecurity in relationships, and jealousy, a derivative of fear, all come together to create a perfect storm.
Insecurity stems from. among other things, a lack of love in oneself and a feeling of rejection. People with this mind-set believe that since they find themselves unlovable, so must everyone else, and unconsciously create scenarios of rejection based on those negative beliefs.
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Conversely, one of the cornerstones of a healthy, vibrant relationship is the ability to trust one’s partner. Without trust, most relationships stand a slim chance of surviving. Wild, passionate sex, financial security and exhilarating thrills, whether they be requirements or needs, can never replace trust.
Essentially, trust says that I believe you will be there when I need you; I believe you will catch me if I fall; I believe you have my back. I believe you will always treat me with the same courtesy and respect, you’d want for yourself. Trust goes further and promises, I will keep your secrets; I will not betray you, no matter how tempted I may become; I will act with the utmost integrity and character where you are concerned. You are safe with me. Trust should reign in the most important issues in your relationship
One should recognize above all things, however, that trust is built over time. It doesn’t come instantly, nor should it. Trust is like a baby who takes a step here and a step there, and it involves risk - your willingness to allow your partner to reveal him/herself to you. At first, it grows in small things - whether or not his/her word is kept in a situation; whether or not he/she acts with integrity, etc. By acting consistently, time after time, a person shows his/her partner how well they can be relied upon.
Several things occur when trust has been established:
Intimacy flourishes in the presence of trust, allowing it to grow and intensify. Trust says that exploration in intimacy is not only possible, but fun-filled and private, (for those otherwise timid souls).
Emotional security is anchored and undergirded where trust abounds, permitting a partner to freely breath and relax in the relationship.
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Fortunately, insecurities can be overcome, and relationships once burdened by the vestiges of that negativity can rebound and bloom. Try the following:
Begin to see yourself for who you are. If your thoughts of self are unlovable, begin now to replace them with thoughts of love and acceptance - yes - acceptance. (There are a million books out there to help you). You, along with everyone else, are here for a reason, a beautiful one at that. Immerse yourself only with thoughts of love, for yourself and everything around you. While you won't see things change overnight, if you persevere in this, eventually you will begin to envision things more positively.