First of all, when has this ever been a bad idea? In all seriousness though, it doesn’t seem to matter what night of the week it is, but being newly alone after a separation or divorce is, well…lonely. Being alone when you have been used to being with your ex or with your ex and the kids as a family is a huge adjustment. You are now alone and isolated probably more of the time than you would like to be.
I am quite an extroverted person and made sure during my separation and divorcing process to check in with lots of good friends, attended exercise classes and went to stores where I knew I would be interacting with people, etc. But still, I found myself at home, alone, and guess what? It sucked! It sucked especially more during the later fall and winter. It was cold and dark out and my apartment was very still and quiet.
I used to work for a massage school and was familiar with the incredible importance of touch. So right after my divorce, I shelled out money for awhile to receive massage at least once a month to be sure I was getting that skin to skin contact even if it was through a massage. And to be clear, when I say skin to skin, I mean the therapists hands on my skin in a totally non-sexual way.
At that time, I was not ready to date other people. It made me nervous, all of the logistics of not only meeting someone new, but how I would eventually introduce them to my kids, etc. I was still very deep into the divorce process and dating seemed like an all around bad idea.
But just because I was alone, didn’t mean I didn’t want to get it on. Working from home, I could comply with the sexual urges at a variety of times during the day, more so than most. I would simply allow the desires to self-pleasure to arise. Maybe my arm crossed my nipple while I was typing, and I began to feel the slightest bit turned on or possibly, I had just had a great work out and the seemingly best way to feel that full and complete body relaxation was to masturbate post workout. Whatever got it going, I usually complied.
I am not a complicated person as far as self-pleasuring goes. I have a small vibrator, and I don’t need to look at porn or read erotica. I am pretty quick and to the point. The only problem for me is that I am very prolific on the female ejaculation front at certain times of the month. So there is some simple preparation of putting something water proof down. I found the perfect solution to that problem and purchased some flat quilted waterproof crib pads that make clean up a snap. I keep them in the hall linen closet and when I’m on my way to masturbate, I simply grab one and go to it.
The benefits of self-pleasuring for me have been really awesome and though I have a wonderful new partner on my life’s journey, I still maintain this lovely relationship with myself. Masturbating allows for an instant overall relaxation of my body and mind. I can think more clearly and I even feel more confident.
Additionally, self-pleasuring has allowed me to find exactly what turns me on. I had been in a relationship for 17 years and the sex had become quite routine. Masturbating has allowed me to discover what truly brings me pleasure. It has also helped me to know myself as I progress through the month. There are certain times of the month when the desire to self-pleasure is more intense and more frequent.
All of these things are really fabulous to learn without a partner as they can be something that you bring to the bedroom to share when you are in a new relationship. Where you have learned to put your hands, fingers and toys can be places where you show your partner you enjoy being pleasured. You can also incorporate your self-pleasure into their love making with you and oh wow, that’s pretty awesome.
Masturbation and self- pleasuring not only feels good, is healthy for your body and mind, but it can also be a spiritual practice. While you are working your sugar, you can begin to create an intention of creating a life of joy, love and freedom for yourself and when you are ready, you can even intend that you bring into your life a loving partner with whom you can share this new found life you have created in loving and pleasurable ways.
Regardless of where you are at in your divorce or separation process, make time to be with yourself, light a candle, turn on some music, whatever gets you going. But just be sure to get it going until you get it coming!